Monday, June 21, 2010

jenna day

we've had Jenna for just over 4 hours now.
I haven't felt like I could get away from her for even a second!

Our first meeting was rough.
We arrived at the Civil Affairs office a little after 3. There was one big room that had several other families already united with their children. There was a lot of crying.
You could practically feel the tension in the air. From all parties involved.

All the other families were matched and many had left while we waited for them to bring Jenna in. David, our guide, went out to the hall and came in with her following closely behind. She was accompanied by one of the orphanage directors and a nanny. She was walking and holding one of their hands.

I know now that they have been telling her about us, because the moment that she saw me, I knelt down in front of her, and she threw her head back and started wailing. Not screaming mad, but crying, scared to death. I think she recognized me from the photos as the 'mama' that they have been telling her was coming. I put my arms out to her and said 'bao' (hold). She really wanted nothing to do with me but I picked her up anyways. Tried talking to her. Got the backpack of things I brought for her; smarties, suckers, toys. She wanted nothing to do with any of them. She wasn't reaching for the people she came with though. She was so tense and so scared. You can see from her face how nervous she was. Breaks my heart.

We left with her about 20 minutes later. She cried most of the time until we left. Would stop for a second with interest of bubbles or something else, but she would grow bored with it quickly and start crying again.
I think just getting out of that anxiety filled room helped even just a little. The drive back to the hotel she was fine and has only cried a little since then. But she is so sad. She has hardly moved. Just sort of limp to whatever I do with her. She came into the room and we sat down on the floor together and played. She didn't move until I moved her. Same thing when we returned from WalMart buying formula and such. I carried her the whole time there and she was fine with that. I did let her walk a bit and hold my hand and that was fine too. I sat her down when we came in and she didn't move until I picked her up to get ready for a bath. She also has hardly talked. Ben played with her quite a bit; we got a brief smile (though when she saw me looking, she quickly removed her smile), and she also said 'ge-ge' (guh-guh, big brother) which was incredible. David and I were sitting in another corner of the room doing paperwork and could hardly believe our ears.

She ate some congee pretty well for dinner but wouldn't take her last bottle of the night. She didn't cry or anything; was just about to fall asleep sitting there, so I just put her down for the night and she's asleep a short 5 minutes later.

I know I'm not doing this day justice by my recount. It sounds all business. Believe me it was not. It was the most anxious I think I've ever been. I was sure I would either vomit or pee my pants before we arrived. Neither happened, luckily.
When we first got to civil affairs I was very emotional and teary eyed entering "the room." But once I saw her it all felt so surreal. My heart is aching for her tonight. She is very cautious of me. I notice her looking at me alot when I'm not looking at her. I pray that she will trust me soon. No little girl of two years old should have to endure the heartbreak that she is feeling tonight. She said good bye to her closest nanny early this morning before leaving to come to Nanning with another nanny and director. I'm sure that set the stage for the day. They both seemed very kind. They were smiling a lot as I tried to calm her. When they left, she was still quite upset. But on our drive after they called my guide to see how she was doing, which made it obvious how much they care for her.

Anyways, I am heading to bed as it's been one terribly long day. Thank you all for your prayers. As rough as the day was, I felt God's presence right there with us. The compassion he gave me. I hope that Jenna is feeling his strength as well. I marveled at the fact that he brought us from east and west to unite as a family. Incredible day. But I am so glad to have it behind us. I can't wait to see her personality emerge!



Football & Fried Rice said...

OH my!! She is every bit as beautiful as her birthday pictures!

Poor, sweet can you EVER prepare a little girl of two for what happened to her today? Praying that the Lord will take over her precious heart and we will see some smiles.


Robyn said...

Sitting here with tears in my eyes. This whole process is so amazing. Even when it feels difficult, the beauty shines through. I am so happy for you to have your sweet Jenna. I will be praying for these next days there. It really is a gift to be able to bond with her and for her to get used to you in her environment.
God is good!!


melpbaby said...

I have tears in my eyes too, but no words good enough to say. Praying for you all, and so happy for you and the arrival of your new little girl. Praying she trusts you soon and sees the love in your heart for her.

Lisa said...

So wonderful to see photos of you, Jenna and Ben! Finally in her momma's arms. Praying for her little heart to trust you and find comfort in you! Also, prayers for you and Ben during this time, loving her without return.

RocĂ­o said...

Don´t worry Jenna will be better tomorrow and she will learn to love you as her mother. She is a beauty, please give her a kiss from her friend Lu Ming Wei.

The Raudenbush Family said...

She is such a beautiful little girl. I know you know this already--but everything you are seeing is completely normal. The fear, the shutting down and "limpness," the crying, refusal to take the bottle, etc. Lydia didn't cry hardly at all but she was totally shut down for a little while and even got sick (fever and vomiting) which we attribute to the stress. Know that His hands have been over her and will continue to be as she starts to recognize your love to her and your commitment to stay with her no matter what. Praying for Jenna and for you and your son as you are patient with her process.

living4him5 said...

BEAUTIFUL!!!!! Praying for all of you, I know the transistion is very hard. The Lord is mighty good, just wait.. You'll be seeing first hand many miracles.

God bless you all,

ljk said...

What a beautiful moment for you to let us see!

Praying for Jenna to feel and accept the love you are ready to wrap her up in.

Hugs to you all :)

Valerie and Jeff said...

As I read your post I am sitting here with MY two year old cuddled in my arms. Blessed to not have him have to experience life for 2 years without his very own mother I marvel at her strength to be so scared and yet trust you with her heart. She is definitly a very special girl and very strong. I am so happy for you ... and yet it must be so painful for all of you at the same time! What a blessing to know that you are not in this alone. He heals hearts and sets the lonely in families. I look forward to your posts as she lets down her walls and blossoms into the daughter she was always meant to be!

Laura said...

What an incredibly special day! A hard day, but one you will probably always look back on with tears in your eyes.
I just found your blog and am living vicariously through your experience as we anxiously await our own. My husband and I have 2 bio children, a daughter from Vietnam, and a little boy waiting for us somewhere in China. Thanks for sharing all of the ups and downs! I'll look forward to reading more about your life as a family living all on one continent!

Chris said...

Oh! What a day!

So emotional....brings me back a few months ago to when we first met Avery!!

Praying that the next few days are filled with laughter & good times!!

I know her broken heart will she gets to know you & trust you!!!


Ashley said...

Congratulations!!!!! I am so excited she is WITH you!!! I know she will come around very soon. Jenna is so beautiful - her eyes are stunning!

I will continue praying for you all!


jennifer said...

She is wonderful!! Hang in there, girl. Each day will be a little better. Wesleigh didn't take her bottle for a couple of days and also would stare at me. It felt like she was staring at me the way I would stare at her picture before we got her. I can't wait to see the transformation each day. Hope you have a great night's sleep and a great day tomorrow. I am praying the transition is smooth.


Molly Rechkemmer said...

How Beautiful to see the 3 of you together! I am so sorry to see/hear your heart breaking for her. Like others said, tomorrow is a brand new day! Maybe the sun will be shining, too! Jenna will warm to you as you continue to love her the way you have had for her for so many months. I wish I were there to give you a shoulder to cry on during the rough patches and a friend to share your joy on the happier days! But from here, know that I am thinking of you, praying for you, supporting and encouraging you! Praying for your strength, wisdom, courage, perseverance, patience, and abundant love. Many blessing! Your friend and sister-in-Christ, Molly

The Byrd's Nest said...

Hopping over here from Sara's blog.....just wanted you to know that we will be praying. Praying for bonding and attachment and for her to begin to trust you.

Poor little thing, I remember my Emma (23 months at adoption) was completely terrified.....she is now falling in love with all of us.

It will happen.....we are praying:)

Jenna said...

Oh, wow. I think it was a great retelling of the day- just as it went. So glad to see Jenna with you, and am praying for you all as you adjust!

Jodee Leader said...

Congratulations! She is just adorable!

The Fam said...

We were praying during the day for you. She must be a very special girl to be loved so much by the ones she's leaving. She will surely give you her heart too in time as she did to them, and it probably won't be long. A very special little girl. I'm glad God brought her to your family.

Erin said...

Vicki, I have been thinking of you all and praying for you today. I have tears in my eyes too as I read this....Praying for all of you...praying for that trust to build quickly and that God grants her the reassurance that you are her family and will always be there for her. Will continue to pray your entire family through this amazing transition. God is so good...He is so faithful. Love, E

LAURA said...

What a sweet little girl. Thank you so much for posting about your trip so we can be a part of this exciting time. praying for you guys a lot! So thankful that she's finally with you.

Patty Fouts said...

Jenna is so sweet.

I am so looking forward to bringing Gabriella home in July 2010.

I am learning from your experience with Jenna. May God continue to shower His supernatural love over your new family. May Jenna sense His love, your love, and the love of her new siblings. God bless you Vicki!