Monday, July 5, 2010

our new, crazy normal

We made it home! We got back on the evening of the first, and had a very horrible first night home before we packed the car the next morning to head to Ben's state baseball tournament for the weekend. I know it sounds crazy, but we felt that it was something we needed to do for Ben.
And actually, Jenna knew hotel living as normal, so it wasn't a far stretch for her.

We had a great time over the weekend at the tournament. I was so happy for our family just to all be together.

With Jenna, slowly, slowly, progress is being made.
I'd actually love to hear from any of you who have had to introduce your adopted child to your husband upon arriving home. That is really the biggest struggle right now. She is doing great with me, good with the kids, good sleeping, napping, eating, but not so great with Jason.
She's pretty food driven so she will let him feed her, but that's really it.
I assume she hasn't been around men before so I knew to expect it, I just don't know how to handle it. Do we force it? Do we force it with me around? Do we completely wait until she's totally comfortable with everything else? And how will I know when that is?
I am struggling with how to deal with it.
We both know that this is 'normal' in our heads, but for Jason's heart I know how hard it is. Only difference is that when she was handed to me, there was no one else to hand her off to when she freaked out.

Please continue to pray for this situation.

The travel home was fine. Of course, very long, but it was ok. I didn't sleep much as I awoke every time one of the kids rustled in their sleep. Ben and Jenna both slept about 5 hours of the 14. And to give you an idea of just how quiet Jenna is, she didn't make a peep for the entire trip. She really still hasn't. The nanny told me when I asked about her talking that her language is "lazy." Not sure if that means she can talk but doesn't, or if that means that she can't talk. ?? Although mellow and quiet may fit in quite nicely around here, I'm anxious to hear something from her.



Lisa said...

I hope that you and your family are getting situated at home...prayers for you to be patient while Jenna opens her heart to another, her daddy!
Can't wait to meet your Jenna...she is beautiful!

The Raudenbush Family said...

Hang in there. Did you have an adoption specialist review her file for you initially? We used CHOP and they have been very helpful with questions I have like the ones you are asking here. You might consider seeking out someone who specializes in international adoption to give some practical advice. I may have had 3 kids already, but there are things I just wanted to talk to a specialist about since I have no experience (except for the last 3 months!) parenting an adopted child.

Ashley said...

You have been on my heart. I cannot believe you were able to go on another trip! I could not think for a good 3 days after I got home - you are amazing. I have no advice for Jenna and her daddy. It will happen - being patient with Grant is the most difficult thing for me. There is so much I want for him and I will push him only to see that it doesn't work. Everything from the time we got home until now (7 months), has been very gradual. BUT at the sametime, as the grief lessens, you will be very amazed by the change in her personality. Week by week it changes.
Soon you are going to wish she did not love her daddy so much :). I have 4 girls and you know how they are.
One step at a time . . . sleep and get adjusted, visit the doctor and play, play, play!
I have learned so much about ME through this adoption, things that He needed me to address so He could heal or change. Still have a long way to go, but the blessing continues to be so much grander than what I thought it would be.
Praying for and sending HUGS!!!

Robyn said...

So good to hear from you!! I'm glad you're home and getting settled in. I don't have any words of wisdom, but know that I will praying! Finding that new normal is quite a process for everyone involved!!

living4him5 said...

Time, Time, Time...Honestly! Linzhi wanted not to much to do with me and really only wanted her daddy. I was ok with that but our bonding was on the back burner for several weeks. Don't stress it, it will come, I promise. Slowly she will learn Jason is her daddy and their relationship will develop. You're just at the beginning of the journey. I'll keep praying for sure. Hang in there!!! Hugs! Amy

Marla and S.J. said...

It was nice to meet you in China and great to see you all home safe and sound1

The Fam said...

Thanks for sharing your time with us. We like to see her smile! Big changes in just a couple of days...She'll get there.

Jill said...

I am continuing to pray for your transition. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be at times. But I do know that God will work all of it out over time. I am really hoping to connect with you while I am in Iowa from I am still unsure of the exact dates but I will keep you posted and I will come to you this time! Love Rays coming your way. I am so excited that after literally years of anticipation your family is together.

Jill said...
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Erin said...

Praying for your family. God will guide and help you and Jason to know what is have had such faith in Him through this whole journey...continue to hold steadfast. Praying for the bonding to happen. So excited for all of you!:) Love and hugs, Erin