Wednesday, April 21, 2010

a heavy heart and a nervous stomach

So, yes, I have weeks (the number still unknown) until travel, and yet I am already a wreck! I have never done any international travel (besides Mexico) and certainly not on another continent. Trying to get my head wrapped around this trip makes my stomach hurt just thinking about it. I have not been sleeping great, which needs to stop already; I wake up with some idea of what might be helpful to have along, etc... and then my brain won't shut off.
Plus it's looking like it will be just my oldest son, Ben (10 years old) and I on this epic journey, which adds an element of fear, worry, anxiousness. ugh. What to pack, what will we eat, is Jenna still on a bottle?, what supplies might I need, etc.

I am, by nature, a worrier. So is Ben (the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, right?). But, rather than worry, which is absolutely useless (Matthew 6:34, Philippians 4:6), I am trying to focus on giving it to God and praying. I'd like to ask you to join me in prayer for some specifics:

• for Jenna's heart and transition. I have been completely blind-sided by the thoughts of how, while we're here making preparations for her arrival, looking at her picture and loving her more everyday, praying for her, prepping Emily for her, etc., she has absolutely no idea about us. We sent her a photo book, but c'mon, she's not even 2 yet. How much could she really be prepared for what is going to happen? It's really heavy on my heart. Trying to imagine and prepare myself for the enormous amount of grief that she will be experiencing.

• for me to trust God to take care of me while we're there. I'm worried about getting sick (lots of people get sick while there b/c of food issues, etc) which would be really difficult without an adult there to help me.

• also for me emotionally while we're there. I feel like this experience is the culmination of so much in my life. Being adopted myself and now being on the other side of it has been a very revealing experience for me....already. And there's so much more to come.

Thanks for joining us on this journey.


Courtney said...

I am sure everything will work out perfectly. I can't wait to follow along on your journey.

living4him5 said...

Oh Vicki!

I am so sorry you're so worried, we need to talk more on the phone so I can encourage you!!! I know it's easy to say not to worry but believe me when I say between the Lord Almighty and your guides you and Ben will be well taken care of for sure!! I'm here for you!!

Call me when you can chat!

Amy <><

PS. I bought a small isulated tote and a outlet adapter for my computer/flat iron,etc... Just FYI

DiJo said...

I wish I could give you a hug. You are going to do great!!! You WILL have everything you need. You will NOT get sick, and Jenna is going to learn very quickly that she was born to be yours.... I have been there, done that twice now. And, I can tell you even in the most difficult of times, God was sooooo faithful. I am not looking at two very special little miracles as they share their noodles and I type this! Both stories unique, both special, both gifts from God!!! I pray that you can truly experience the joy of this precious time! Blessings as you put all of the details together, and let God take the wheel!


1001tears said...

I found your blog on RQ. Oh, how I felt the same things as you are feeling. We traveled in August '09 to finally meet our 2.5 year old daughter. Looking back it was the most amazing 2 weeks of my life. Evie was very sick and completely shutdown, but looking back I can see God's hand on that whole trip. During our time in Beijing I experienced mercy and grace like I'd never experienced before.
I blogged about it--you can find it under the month of August on my blog.

It is an amazing journey. And it truly is a trip of a lifetime!

Blessings to you!!

melpbaby said...

Our prayers are with you!

Jenna said...


I will absolutely be praying!!! I can understand completely how you are feeling (we're cut from the same cloth, I think), but lately, I have been chanting like a mantra: "Those who God calls, He also equips." I have no idea where I heard that, but my heart is clinging to it! Focus your prayers on asking God to equip you as only He can- for the unknowns ahead of you that He already knows so well. He is faithful to provide when we trust Him enough to ask!!!

I'm praying for Jenna too....I think that so often- they have no idea what's coming and that's got to be SO hard!!!!!