Sunday snapshot: spooky ooky

Halloween this year was again a success. And we made Bakerella's Cake Pop ghosts, which contributed to it being so successful!

The big 3 chose their own costumes and after convincing Emily that she didn't want to be minnie mouse, the littles were bugs together. And cute ones at that.

The weather was decent, though a bit colder than I'd prefer, but I certainly acknowledged it as better than snowing on our begging night.

Jenna was clueless. She looked darling but I'm sure she couldn't grasp what or why we were doing this. She can't say 'trick or treat' but she didn't hesitate to grab candy from the bowls offered, and held it tightly once in her grasp, which wasn't a surprise! She did sign a 'thank you' when I asked her to, and then happily retreated back to the wagon under the warm blanket. Emily would have none of that. She had to run along and keep up with the big 3!

come alive

Brace yourself, I'm feeling wordy today!

Remember back in May? We had a Mark Schultz concert/fundraiser at our church. The proceeds helped us bring Jenna home, donated a bunch of stuff to her orphanage, and helped the new ministry our church has started, Grace for Orphans. To look back on it now, the entire event and night seems surreal. It is one of my favorite memories of my life thus far. I was surrounded by people I love....so many of whom helped to make the event happen. We stood in the foyer as a group (all the volunteers and some church staff) before we opened the doors that night and held hands in a huge circle (of about 40 people) and prayed. We asked God to use the night to bless the orphans of the world, we prayed specifically for Jenna, and we prayed for the event to reach the people who were about to come through the doors for Him. I cried during that prayer. It was so humbling.

Anyways, God has continued to use Mark Schultz's music to speak to me. My favorite song at the time of the concert was He Is. Unfortunately, it wasn't included in his set that night. I gave him a hard time about it afterwards and he sang a little of it to me then... amazing. Anyways, a few short weeks later when I was in China, I listened to his music on my ipod. That song came on while we were on the drive out to the Great Wall - in very rural China, still sleep deprived from jet lag, completely emotional and scared to death in this country feeling so alone, watching the landscape change out the window as we drove further out of the city; I cried as he sang the words, (and I'm totally cutting in and out of the song the parts that really struck me-but you should go listen to the whole thing yourselves!)

"Father let the world just fade away, let me feel your presence in this place....

Lord I've never been so weary, how I need to know you're near me,

Father let the world just fade away......

even when it feels like there is no one holding me...

be still, my soul, HE IS."

"Father let your holy spirit sing, let it calm this storm inside of me,

As I stand amazed, lift my hands and say He is, He was, He always will be,

He lives, He loves, He's always with me.....

be still, my soul, through every fear, and every doubt, in every tear I shed,

down every road, I'm not alone, no matter WHERE I AM,

HE IS, HE WAS, HE ALWAYS WILL BE...."

Isn't that incredible! Well I hadn't heard the song since coming back home and then when I did, I cried all over again and felt like I was back in China again seeing that same landscape change before my eyes. It sounds delusional, I know.....but I just think it's a little treasure God gave me!

Anyways, now the song that is speaking to me is Mark Schultz's Come Alive. And I DO listen to other artists!

This song is all about (I think, anyways) how God's love can make you truly come alive. But I hear it through the filter of Jenna and all that she has endured, and never experienced in her short 2-year life. I have no idea still, what her personality really is; she is very serious, rarely playful. Usually just sits alone in the living room, not playing with toys but her hands, it's been very hard, and very sad. She still doesn't trust me. Our therapist says she has learned from the adults in her life that adults are not reliable and do not meet her needs, so it's just going to take some time. Maybe a long time....

Anyways, with that filter in mind....read these lyrics....and then better yet, go listen to the song!

Whatever happened to your childlike wonder,

whatever happened to your heart felt faith?

You used to live your life with such a hunger

whatever happened to those days?

Your smile used to tell a beautiful story

But every life will make a few wrong turns

But now you hide your heart,

Afraid that you're too far beyond repair, oh but I am here

So bring your broken heart to me,

lift it up and you will see

that our love can make a heart that's barely beating,

come alive, come alive.

My love is stronger than your weakest moment

My grace is greater than your worst mistakes

No matter where you've been,

I'm waiting at the end of every road

So close your eyes, let me love you,

I'm by your side, let me love you

so close your eyes, let me love you,

I'm by your side...

Bring your broken heart to me

Lift is up and you will see

That our love can make a heart that's barely beating

Come alive

And even when it all goes wrong

There's no such thing as too far gone

And our love can make a heart that's barely beating

Come alive, Come alive

on hiatus

I have been on hiatus from blog world. Not purposefully or for a lack of things to report. I have many a blog post forming in my mind...but I'm sorting through some things and can't seem to get anything down clearly just yet.

Anyways, for the journal that this serves for me, I wanted to get some pictures up from our recent trip to Minnesota. We went to a friends' wedding and got to hang out with some fun people for the weekend. Since we were there, we made a weekend of it, and took in the zoo, the lake, and children's museum. Then we danced the night away at the reception. Literally. I absolutely love to dance with my kids. Seriously, one of my most favorite things.

Wish I had pictures of that to post (or not!). I hardly took any pictures all weekend. Very unlike me. Just soaked it all into memory instead. And had a great time enjoying my family and others we love that are like family.

More blogging to come soon....as soon as the fog lifts, so to speak.

twirly girly

cutest darn thing I ever did see.....

2 months home

Two months ago today, we arrived home with Jenna.

It feels like she's been here soooo much longer, but you know how it is when you're in the midst of something hard and time seems to drag on. that's about where we're at.

Friends of mine who have seen Jenna a few times since being home tell me she has made so much progress. It's harder to see from the inside I think.

In some regards, she's come so far, and in other areas I wonder if she's progressed at all. All part of the process, I'm sure.

She is understanding a lot of English. I know this because she does what we tell her, most of the time. Things like: get your shoes, put them away (to which she just throws them in the mudroom- just like all the rest of us ;) ), come here, stand up, sit down, time for bed (she goes to her bed), hug, and kiss.

She and the kids are doing fantastic together. She is definitely more bonded to them than to Jason or I. I keep feeling lately like she just won't give in to us. Not sure what that's about but I suspect it has to do with the fact that she's never had any reason to trust the adults in her life. She and Emily are very good together. They have moments here and there with sharing, but they also share hugs and kisses. It has been so humbling to see how easily the kids love her.

Her language is still very lacking. The speech therapist told me this week that if she had a language at all to begin with, even if it were chinese, she would be able to pick up another language more quickly. We're more and more convinced that she had no language at all upon arrival home and the sounds she makes are very much indicative of that. Baby babble is about all she's got. She is starting to mimic sounds that I make if she watches me make the sound first. She does have a few signs: eat, more, please, and we're working on all-done and thank-you. Most use is regarding food, which also continues to be her biggest struggle area.

Anyways, please continue praying for her heart and mine! There have been some struggles in this that I just didn't expect, which being the planner I am, have made them somewhat harder for me to deal with. But I know it will all come in time. And I thought the waiting was over! Ha!