it's official!

Me, Ben and Jenna with nanny and director from her orphanage

with our guide in Nanning, David; he's terrific

the final signature followed by my thumbprint in red covering it

So, today we had our meetings with the officials in Jenna's province, Guangxi, and the signing of all the paperwork making it official that Jenna is OURS! That felt good.

I was a little nervous about today because it included meeting again with the nanny and director from her orphanage that brought her to me yesterday. I was afraid that seeing them again would be hard for her. However, it wasn't. She stayed on my lap the whole morning and did fine. If I'm being honest, I think it's because she has basically shut-down. I can see it from the blank stare on her face. She has shut down to protect herself from any more heartbreak. Like the most basic human response. While I know its very normal for the circumstances, it is very hard to see.

After the interviews I had and signing and such, we got to spend some time with the nanny and director and ask them any questions we wanted answered about Jenna's routine, personality, likes/dislikes.... basically all the things I have missed for the last 2 years and need to be brought up to speed on. I enjoyed that time very much. We all exchanged gifts and they gave Jenna a silver keepsake bracelet. It's very pretty and has some chinese characters on it for luck, health and happiness. Grateful to have that to give to her one day.

After our morning we just came back to our room for some lunch and naps. Ben and I watched a movie while Jenna napped and it was a nice restful time.

Both this morning and when Jenna awoke from her nap, she was a little sad. I picked her up out of her crib and put her next to me on the bed and she fell back asleep like that both times. As well as on my lap in the car today. I am thankful that she at least feels comfortable enough to be able to relax to fall asleep. Small victories. :)

After nap, we topped off the afternoon watching Ben swim in the hotel pool with another little boy whose family is here from Ohio, also adopting. After some more down time, our guide took both our families to a nice Cantonese restaurant where we actually enjoyed the food and Ben and I were successful with chopsticks for the first time ever! ;)

Thanks for continued prayers for Jenna's little heart to open and for her personality to start to show through.

jenna day

we've had Jenna for just over 4 hours now.

I haven't felt like I could get away from her for even a second!

Our first meeting was rough.

We arrived at the Civil Affairs office a little after 3. There was one big room that had several other families already united with their children. There was a lot of crying.

You could practically feel the tension in the air. From all parties involved.

All the other families were matched and many had left while we waited for them to bring Jenna in. David, our guide, went out to the hall and came in with her following closely behind. She was accompanied by one of the orphanage directors and a nanny. She was walking and holding one of their hands.

I know now that they have been telling her about us, because the moment that she saw me, I knelt down in front of her, and she threw her head back and started wailing. Not screaming mad, but crying, scared to death. I think she recognized me from the photos as the 'mama' that they have been telling her was coming. I put my arms out to her and said 'bao' (hold). She really wanted nothing to do with me but I picked her up anyways. Tried talking to her. Got the backpack of things I brought for her; smarties, suckers, toys. She wanted nothing to do with any of them. She wasn't reaching for the people she came with though. She was so tense and so scared. You can see from her face how nervous she was. Breaks my heart.

We left with her about 20 minutes later. She cried most of the time until we left. Would stop for a second with interest of bubbles or something else, but she would grow bored with it quickly and start crying again.

I think just getting out of that anxiety filled room helped even just a little. The drive back to the hotel she was fine and has only cried a little since then. But she is so sad. She has hardly moved. Just sort of limp to whatever I do with her. She came into the room and we sat down on the floor together and played. She didn't move until I moved her. Same thing when we returned from WalMart buying formula and such. I carried her the whole time there and she was fine with that. I did let her walk a bit and hold my hand and that was fine too. I sat her down when we came in and she didn't move until I picked her up to get ready for a bath. She also has hardly talked. Ben played with her quite a bit; we got a brief smile (though when she saw me looking, she quickly removed her smile), and she also said 'ge-ge' (guh-guh, big brother) which was incredible. David and I were sitting in another corner of the room doing paperwork and could hardly believe our ears.

She ate some congee pretty well for dinner but wouldn't take her last bottle of the night. She didn't cry or anything; was just about to fall asleep sitting there, so I just put her down for the night and she's asleep a short 5 minutes later.

I know I'm not doing this day justice by my recount. It sounds all business. Believe me it was not. It was the most anxious I think I've ever been. I was sure I would either vomit or pee my pants before we arrived. Neither happened, luckily.

When we first got to civil affairs I was very emotional and teary eyed entering "the room." But once I saw her it all felt so surreal. My heart is aching for her tonight. She is very cautious of me. I notice her looking at me alot when I'm not looking at her. I pray that she will trust me soon. No little girl of two years old should have to endure the heartbreak that she is feeling tonight. She said good bye to her closest nanny early this morning before leaving to come to Nanning with another nanny and director. I'm sure that set the stage for the day. They both seemed very kind. They were smiling a lot as I tried to calm her. When they left, she was still quite upset. But on our drive after they called my guide to see how she was doing, which made it obvious how much they care for her.

Anyways, I am heading to bed as it's been one terribly long day. Thank you all for your prayers. As rough as the day was, I felt God's presence right there with us. The compassion he gave me. I hope that Jenna is feeling his strength as well. I marveled at the fact that he brought us from east and west to unite as a family. Incredible day. But I am so glad to have it behind us. I can't wait to see her personality emerge!

the lucky one

Exactly 5 months ago yesterday, we saw the face of a little girl that we felt God softly telling us was our daughter. We moved forward cautiously, prayerfully and hopefully. We reviewed all of her documents, medicals, and information, and sought counsel. The following day, we took a huge leap of faith and said Yes. Yes, we accept her referral. Yes, she is our daughter. Yes, we feel called to adopt an orphan and cannot deny it.

In the 5 months since then, we have seen our family transformed through this experience.

Our faith has grown. Strengthened. Deepened. We hunger for Christ. Our faith has been authenticated. We trust so much more blindly.

We have seen love in a very innocent way through our children: pure and whole. They love Jenna so much already; across the world and without ever having met her. To them, adoption has always been a 'no-brainer.' Every child deserves the love of a family. Simple as that. I think that is huge. It's sometimes hard for kids to grasp things that aren't tangible. But this has not been hard for them. They love her and cannot wait to meet their sister.

We have seen God provide in a very tangible way. Financially and otherwise. The way He has prepared the kids for my being away alone is remarkable. Even little Emily who is such a mama's girl has done so well. About breaks my heart every time we talk to hear her say "miss you mama," but bless her heart, she hasn't thrown a fit for mama yet.

Our prayer life has grown hugely. As well as our entire perspective. About what's really important. I pray that doesn't ever fade.

I have been told by many people during this time how lucky Jenna is. I know that people mean that as a compliment, and their sentiment is very kind. But what we have gained already from this experience is so valuable, I always think to myself when someone says that, 'I think we might be the lucky ones.' And we haven't even met Jenna yet!

The fact that God created Jenna perfect, precious and beautiful in His sight, and cares about and loves her more than I can even grasp (as He does all of us), yet has chosen us to be her family is so incredibly humbling. I know He's got great things in store for her life and we are the lucky ones to get to be a part of it all.

more beijing

Today was also pretty incredible.

I don't really feel I can do it justice with my recounting so I'd like to mostly let the pictures do the talking.

For my journaling purposes though, today we visited:

• Tian'anmen Square

• The Forbidden City

• The Temple of Heaven

• a silk factory- very interesting seeing the whole life cycle of a silkworm and then how they process the silk.

• the pearl market- again, very interesting. learned about freshwater pearls and how you can tell the difference between real and fake pearls and Ben got to fish an oyster out of a tank and they broke it open to show us all the pearls inside. I never knew that pink pearls can only be found in China!

• the Summer Palace- where we got to take a boat ride across the lake.

Ben's favorite part of the day was the Forbidden City. It was remarkable. So historical and hard to believe we were standing in it.....

My favorite part was probably the Summer Palace. Although I also enjoyed the grounds at the Temple of Heaven also. Neat to see how active the Chinese people are. The park was filled with people, mostly older retired people as our guide said, who go there daily just to enjoy activity. People all over the park were dancing, playing jiang si (hacky sack; no idea how to spell but that's what it sounded like!?), people playing cards, etc...

The Summer Palace was just beautiful. It's the place the Emporer and Empress went in the summer because it was so much cooler, being next to a lake (Kunming lake). Really beautiful. It has a very long corridor that's all outside; open sides and along the roof inside and all the posts have different paintings that tell a story about China. Every section was different. No replications. Incredible. Also something to notice when looking at the pictures is all these amazing buildings like at Forbidden City were build without any nails.

Well, that was more than I intended to write, but it was alot of information today! I would have enjoyed history classes so much more if I could have seen it firsthand like today!

In other news, we are doing very well. Feeling a little more settled in, if that's even possible while we're in a foreign land speaking none of the language. But we are. I feel God's hand on us. Protecting us, strengthening us, sustaining us. I have probably never felt it so clearly than I have these last 2 days.

Only 2 more sleeps for us until we get Jenna. Tomorrow we travel to her province. Please continue to pray for her transition. For her caretakers who are preparing to say goodbye. For her to be drawn to me somehow and to be open to accept the love that I can't wait to pour onto her. I can't wait to meet her!

great wall and more!

Ben wanted to be sure we got this on here for you, Jocoa!

the whole family on the Great Wall of China!

Today was amazing.

For starters, we slept all night! Still woke early, about 5, but that was fine as we went to sleep about 8:30. We both woke up and said, "that was awesome!" because we had slept all night and we talked about that right before going to sleep!

It certainly helped our day.....we had a long one and made it all the way through with no nap! :)

We went to the Great Wall first off.

The section that our guide took us to is further away, though still in Beijing, but he said it's nice because it's less busy since its further away. It was another neat drive out; through lots of rural area and up into the mountains. Reminded us of the green mountains in NC. Beautiful.

We took a cable car both up and down the mountain and for that we were glad. It was very steep just walking up to the cable car area!

We walked and climbed for a good hour; it was surreal. We just couldn't believe it. Amazing. Beautiful. So much history. Really fascinating. Couldn't believe how many stairs there were, and how steep and uneven. We commented several times about the soldiers running along there and how dangerous that would have been. The towers were especially remarkable with the lookouts and such. I really can't do it justice by explaining, and even the pictures pale in comparison; though we did get some good ones!

After the wall we went to a local restaurant there in the Mutianyu village. We ate mostly rice, but it was fine. We were mostly thirsty and happy to sit for awhile. Also enjoyed a Coke!

From there it was on to Olympic Park to see the Bird's Nest and Water Cube and all the rest. Such a nice area. Interesting to hear about all the changes made to bring the Olympics to Beijing, and what its meant for the city since then. Things like how the city was so dirty before but they cleaned up and now the gov't pays to keep it clean. People here really like that. Also that the prices of cars were VERY expensive before the Olympics b/c they were discouraging people from having personal cars due to more traffic and even more coming for the games. Now prices are much lower.

Anyways, then we went to a Tea Ceremony where we got to taste and learn about several different kinds of tea. I really enjoyed this, except I had my first run-in with squatty potties at the tea house :(

Then we went to our Hutong tour. We rode in a rickshaw to see a Hutong neighborhood. Which is basically the older preserved Beijing. Most people now live in apartments, because too many people, so they've had to eliminate most of the Hutongs to build apartment buildings. This particular one is being preserved by the city b/c tourists enjoy it.... It was fun.

After that we went to the Beijing acrobatic show, which was amazing and incredible, but I was very tired by then.

Back to hotel brings us here!

Enjoy the photos.

Another big day touring the city tomorrow.

Thanks for your prayers.