Our Crazy Normal

2 years

2012-01-19T13:27:00.000-06:00

Two years ago today we saw Jenna's face for the first time and asked God if she could be the one He had for us.
Obviously, we thought the answer was yes, and the rest is history.

These next 3 were taken today, and the last one was last year.

She's changing alot!!

She was blowing me a kiss (I had to ask for it!)

January 2011

christmas 2011

2011-12-29T15:04:00.000-06:00

the most wonderful

2011-12-20T15:50:00.000-06:00

time of the year, right??

We've been enjoying much of the fun of the season. Baking cookies, Christmas concerts, piano recitals...the stuff that life with 5 kids brings.

brian + julie

2011-12-04T16:26:00.003-06:00

happy day!! Uncle Brian and Julie got married!! Jason was the best man, Abby the flower girl (the littles were 'honorary flower girls'), and the boys were ushers, and I did a reading from Colossians.

Emily said the other day afterwords, "mom, Brian and Julie got married. They're in love!" :)

We are so, so happy for them. Brian was beaming. It was emotional. We were honored to be a part of their special day and we pray that they have a long, happy, Christ-filled marriage.

tween

2011-12-02T22:43:00.002-06:00

Ben turned 12 today!!

I think I say the same thing every year....I can't believe how fast time flies.

I wish it would slow down.

He is a wonderful kid.

Very kind. Loves sports.

Really proud of who this kid is becoming.

Love that he made me a mom all those years ago...

ready or not.

I was so excited to be a mom...to be his mom.

Love the big brother he his to his siblings.

Love this kid.

Happy Birthday Ben!

Halloween

2011-11-14T08:44:00.002-06:00

What a crazy bunch!!

oh my gosh!?

2011-11-14T08:38:00.002-06:00

What has happened to me?

Have I really not posted for almost 2 months??

That's pathetic, and I'm feeling really bad about it!

Emily had her first day of preschool (back in September!).

She absolutely loves it, as I had no doubt that she would.

When we went to sign up in the spring, she cried when we left that she couldn't stay!

So, needless to say, she was ready.

Baby of the family with 4 siblings? Yep, totally ready.

She has blossomed since then too.

She loves going.

She has her first best friend, another Emily.

They are also in dance together, and hold hands most of that class.

She loves preschool, like, looooves preschool!

fall sports 2011

2011-09-21T08:07:00.003-05:00

This has already been such a fun season of fall sports around here. Ben is playing his second year of tackle football. It's 5th/6th graders. It has been so amazing and fun to see him as a leader on the team...all his buddies as the 6th graders this year have really stepped up their games and it's been quite impressive! He has the good fortune of playing on a team with several of his closest friends, which makes it that much sweeter for him.

He's playing wide receiver, running back, and defensive linebacker. Just this past weekend he had his best runs yet, and had a great 15-20 yard run (nevermind that it got called back for a holding penalty), and a few plays later, a 20-yard catch as a receiver.

It's been fun for him to have some success this year as last year he was much more timid, and at wide receiver, had only one pass thrown to him all.season.!!

Matthew is playing his first year of competitive soccer. He joined a year-round team that plays league games and also some tournaments, and indoor over the winter. He's having a great time with it and his skills are improving all the time. Jason and I know virtually nothing about soccer though, so it's funny how quiet we are at games!

fresh faces

2011-09-20T17:14:00.004-05:00

I took the kids out the other day to get some updated pictures of them. I'm dreaming big and hoping it will end with a blog makeover and these could be a part of that...

but in the meantime, here's a fresh look at everyone over here. :)

first day of school

2011-08-23T08:07:00.004-05:00

Here we go again....

back to school 2011,

with a sixth grader (totally breaking my heart),

a fourth grader,

a second grader,

and two preschoolers (but Emily doesn't start til after labor day)....

Oh, and a college student! I've started back to school also....though very part-time. I'm excited about having something for myself and seeing if what's left of my brain can be salvaged after so many years in mommy mode!!

Abby as "Annie"

2011-08-18T10:41:00.003-05:00

Abby did Annie dance camp this summer at her dance studio.

During the week they got to cut out patterns and sew their own costumes, sing the songs, learn dance moves, and perform at the end of the week.

She did AMAZING and it was so fun to see her dramatic debut!!!

She got to be Annie!!

I can totally see a future for her in musical theatre!

Didn't see that one coming at all!

benny the baller

2011-07-28T15:36:00.006-05:00

As anyone who knows us knows, our family loves baseball.

here are a few particularly great shots of ben playing this season.....

It was his 11u year. he got to play with a lot of great boys and made some great friendships.

it will be so fun to see them continue to play together the next several years....

we are sad it's over!

4th of july

2011-07-27T19:02:00.002-05:00

our annual tradition...

breakfast at the park,

followed by parade,

naps, lunch, slip n slide at home,

wiffleball and fireworks.

emily's 3rd bday

2011-07-27T16:39:00.004-05:00

Emily turned three at the end of June. I know, waaayyy late on that post, but we've been swamped since then.

She had a particularly strong opinion about what she wanted on her birthday cake....a frog...

I don't know why or where it came from, but she was persistent, and consistent...so I succumbed.

She loves to be the center of attention, so as we were singing "happy birthday" to her, she sat there in front of her frog cake with the biggest smile!

I love this kid so incredibly much and I am thankful everyday for the joy she brings to my life and our entire family. Happy 3rd Birthday, bug!

3 year pics

2011-06-27T15:04:00.002-05:00

jenna's 3rd bday

2011-06-15T16:12:00.002-05:00

Emily's first dance recital!!

2011-05-29T09:44:00.003-05:00

Emily has been taking dance this past year and she absolutely loves it. I was unsure at first how she would do, as this is the first thing she's done on her own, without mama.

Yesterday was her dance recital and she was so cute and sweet. She was most excited that the "big kids" were coming to watch her dance! She spends so much time watching them at all of their activities, it was so sweet that it was finally her turn!

So proud of my baby ballerina!!

crazy spring

2011-05-29T09:28:00.004-05:00

I have been absent for so long, but should know better than to try blogging this time of year.

We've been swamped here with baseball games like you can't believe; add to that a birthday and all that comes with it - party, treats for school, treats for team; track and field day at school, piano recitals, poem readings, science fair, AND potty training Emily!!....on top of all of our regular appointments and practices.

anyways, its no wonder I've been preoccupied!

But I had to surface to get this post in for my journal purpose and I just couldn't wait til June to post about Matthew's birthday from mid-May.

Matthew turned 9 this year and continues to be a delightful child. He is the mellow one of the bunch; happy-go-lucky kid, carefree most of the time. He loves music (techno!?), math, and baseball. He had a party with some friends at a local sports facility....they played dodgeball, football and baseball and he thought it was a blast.

Here's many of the spring events in pics.....

so loved....

2011-04-26T21:29:00.001-05:00

Head over to Ni Hao Y'all and enter to win a bunch of amazing prizes in the So Loved giveaways. The bigger bonus to entering is playing a small part in the big picture of bringing home 2 precious little ones to a family by which they are already so loved....

2011-04-18T21:29:00.003-05:00

Surgery day is tomorrow at 10am CST to remove Jenna's kidney.

It's supposed to take 3.5 hours.

I will update sometime tomorrow evening.

Thanks for praying.

update: Wednesday afternoon

We are home!! She did amazing and has been such a trooper. Surgery went well and we got released today after she had a perfect night of sleep and has kept down lots of food and liquids.

Thanks for your prayers and support. She's on the road to recovery!

too much not to post

2011-03-27T18:08:00.007-05:00

well.

whew.

This post has been evolving for a long time.

I've mentioned more than once, here on the blog, how hard our adoption and subsequent transition has been since arriving home. Not to mention the whole long story that brought us to this place.

And I know, that hard is a relative term.

a (1) : difficult to bear or endure <hard luck> <hard times>

c (1) : harsh, severe, or offensive in tendency or effect

e (1) : intense in force, manner, or degree <hard blows>(2) : demanding the exertion of energy : calling for stamina and endurance <hard work> (3) : performing or carrying on with great energy, intensity, or persistence hardworker>

There has been plenty of self-pity on my part since we came home. At times certain that I've ruined our family, because you see, adoption was on my heart first. It took Jason awhile to come around. Hence the whole freakout because life is dramatically different and I don't know when it's ever gonna get better. It's happened every time we've added a biological baby to our family too. The difference was that I was madly in love with biological new child from the first second. It's been much slower with Jenna for me. I'm still waiting to be completely succumbed by love for her. I am meeting needs and providing stability like she's never had before. And some days that's all I'm capable of.

I haven't wanted to mention some of this. Because I had guilt. And I don't want to be a complainer. You all know the old golden rule "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." So I haven't. On the blog.

I have been praying since before I met Jenna in person that the transition would be seamless and smooth; that she would accept love from me; I prayed for her birthparents; that she would be loved while she waited for us; that her heart would recover from the grief of her short years; and then since I met her, my biggest prayer has been for me to love her. She is not an easy child to parent. She doesn't have the most endearing qualities just yet. And so I've asked, like I did for all the other things, for me to be able to love my daughter. It sounds horrible, but it's true. It's been so, so hard.

It's also been hard to see other peoples' similar prayers be answered and ours go a different way. But I've chosen to trust and believe and have faith in God's promises. Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

It didn't always feel like He was with me though. Sure, it did while I was in China. But then we got home and so it went for the next 8 months. The hardest 8 months of my life. But I wasn't looking either. I wasn't open to Him for several months. I got bitter and angry that this is what we'd been dealt.

I wasn't ready. I wasn't prepared for all of the struggles we've had. Not sure I could have been.

Yes, we asked for medical special needs. But there were a lot of unchecked boxes of issues that I think we are now dealing with.

Mental stuff. Physical stuff - more than we knew. Delays more severe than I could have imagined. In almost every area.

But then I started reading this book. The Land Between: Finding God in Difficult Transitions. I knew as early as the prologue that this was placed in my hands divinely. It's opened my eyes to the truths that I had been shutting out. I had been choosing bitterness. Over self-transformation through Christ, my only hope in any of this difficulty. He never turned his back on me or didn't hear any one of those prayers. He just wanted me to come to Him with it all, which I had stopped doing in my bitterness. Praise God that through this book I have felt hope again. Not that it's easy, but I know that He is with me in it, even if I don't understand why I'm here at all.

Some of the promises that I'm claiming:

Galatians 6:9 9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Hebrews 12 1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.

Isaiah 41:10 10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

So, I decided to come clean with all of this and ask for prayer warriors across the blogworld to unite on our behalf. In the next couple weeks, Jenna will be evaluated on a more extensive level with a developmental pediatrician, speech therapist, audiologist, and PT. Eventually a cognitive eval will also be done.

And then, 3 weeks from now, Jenna will be having surgery. And with the surgery, alot is on the table. They are removing one of her kidneys, and hopeful that as a result, her body will be relieved of ALOT of stress... Opening the door to many other improvements: growth, weight gain (she hasn't grown at all or gained any weight since we brought her home, even though she eats alot), and relief of discomfort that she's been 'used to' forever.

Please join me in praying that the surgery will do all of those things and that maybe she will truly feel good for the first time and that she will start thriving physically...leading to thriving in other areas.

I am believing God for a miracle and hoping that this will be the turning of a corner for us.

another, baby step

2011-03-10T15:48:00.002-06:00

It seems that every time I go to write a post about how things are going with Jenna, I want to title it "baby steps". We've been home with her 8 months now, and one of the hardest things I've done to myself is having had expectations that having been met, and that's hard.

The progress that we've made certainly has been only by inching forward up to this point. I remain hopeful for a giant leap one of these days. But I'll take anything, because forward progress is indeed, forward progress.

Two things happened in the last few days that are standout-ish...and actually as I look back on them, pretty giant steps compared to what we've seen up until now...

1) We were eating dinner at some dear friends to celebrate their son's birthday and as the table was being prepared, Jason put Jenna in a seat to wait for the rest of us as we were still bringing in things from the kitchen. One of the hosts asked Jenna if they could sit "here," pointing to the chair next to her, and she replied with a head-shake "no" and pointed to that same chair and said "mama"!!!!!

I didn't even believe it when they came in the kitchen and told me, but this is really a huge step for us!! And when I told our therapist about it a couple days later she confirmed that yes, while Jenna doesn't seem to "like" me most of the time, she at least does know that I'm safe!! WOOT!

For her to show a preference for me over anyone else is awesome and new, and a really big step for her and I! Praise God!

2) Just this morning, I went in to get Jenna up for the morning and grabbed her out of the crib and hugged her a little as I said "Good morning!"

She said "hi" back, and after our hug, gave me a kiss on my cheek! Again, first time she's ever initiated affection on her own. And at first, I didn't think much of it, because I did initiate the hug, but kisses until now have only come when we've asked for them...so it really is huge!!

Hoping that the giant steps continue, and if I could be so bold to pray specifically, giant steps in the communication area would be most desirable! But hey, I'll happily take what we can get!

abby's payoff

2011-02-24T21:20:00.004-06:00

Abby has been doing competitive all-star cheer for just under a year now. When she started she could do a cartwheel, but not the greatest.

She has absolutely taken to this like a fish to water and Jason and I have so enjoyed seeing her doing and having found something that she loves so much!

We're total cheer parents now! And we love it! She smiles so big through her routine and around the house is practicing ALL.the.time!!! She is rarely standing up without doing a heel stretch.

Anyways, every chance she gets she asks to go to tumbling...Extra drop-in tumbling sessions are optional and she opts to go a couple times a week.

Well, tonight at practice, all her hard work paid off and I just couldn't be any more proud of her. Jason wasn't there to see it, so I took this video to send him immediately and he said when he watched he got choked up he was so proud! It's not the greatest quality as I took it with my non-iPhone phone....but....

She really has worked so hard to get this. Way to go, Abby. Keep believing you can do it! ;)

goofballs

2011-02-24T11:01:00.002-06:00

chinese new year

2011-02-07T16:00:00.004-06:00

We celebrated our first Chinese New Year by trying to cook some Asian food (lettuce wraps and chinese almond cookies) and then we also ordered some carryout to supplement.
Following our feast, we celebrated the way our family prefers, with dancing....via Dance Central on Xbox Kinect. tons of fun. good food, good friends, good times. the first of many CNY celebrations to come.

abby rocks the cheer competition

2011-02-02T09:36:00.000-06:00

one year ago....

2011-01-19T11:29:00.004-06:00

fist bump

2011-01-14T18:54:00.004-06:00

So, the other night Jason was off with Abby at activities so I fed the rest of the kiddos solo.

The boys got done and ran off to play, leaving me at the table with the two littles.

I put a few pieces of Jenna's dinner onto her highchair tray, and there was one piece that was actually 3 pieces stuck together.

I saw it, and was thinking in my head, "oh man, I should have separated that, she's going to stuff that whole thing in her mouth," and simultaneously, Jenna grabs one piece of the multipiece bite, and *tears* it off, and eats just the one.

I know this seems like no big deal, but here, in our house at mealtime, that self-control with food is HUGE for Jenna! most of our issues with her are still surrounding food, and whatever trauma she endured.

Anyways, it was out of the ordinary and a big deal in a small package kinda moment, so I played it up with the whole, "Jenna! nice job!" She clapped her hands as she always does with praise and then Emily, who was sitting on the other side of Jenna's chair from me, got up on her knees to imitate me and said another, "nice job Jenna!"

Then, the moment I treasure....completely on their own with no suggestion of any such interaction from me, Emily and Jenna fist bumped each other!!!

It was such a riot and hopefully a glimpse of the relationship their future holds. Or maybe already does!! :)

in with the new...part 2

2011-01-03T15:44:00.005-06:00

Speaking of new...we were so honored and excited to be present over this break to watch a very special-to-us couple begin their new life together.

We have been friends with Alex for many years and we all love him to death. He is a great role model to our kids, and a ton of fun to be around. We've enjoyed lots of good times together...(like our boys' first ball game at Wrigley!), lots of UFC fights, and good talks over dishes on his visits home from school. ;)

It has been a joy to watch him grow from a young high school kid to a respectful adult entering the next chapter of his life. As much as we love Alex, it couldn't have been more obvious when we met Kate that they belong together and it didn't take long for us to love her just as much.

So, they tied the knot on December 30th. It was abeautiful winter wedding and Abby was delighted to be their flower girl. She took the job very seriously! It was a very special day and we were so happy to be there for it and look forward to watching them start 'the rest of their lives'!

Here's some pictures from all the festivities......

in with the new....

2011-01-03T15:11:00.005-06:00

so, wrapping up 2010 we entered the tween world with an 11 year old in the house.

I love this age....its a ton of fun. I hope the real teen years prove to be as pleasant but somehow I'm not that hopeful!

Following Ben's birthday, nearly a month ago, we celebrated Christmas... Jenna's first one. It was lots of fun to see her experience this with our family and she was surprisingly in tune with whatto do to the wrapping paper!

She most loved a Corolle Chinese baby doll and has carried it around with her alot since then. Looks JUST like her....growing out buzz cut and all! ;)

Christmas was fun with all of the kids and each of them had a gift they were beyond delighted with. For Emily, it was all of the kitchen accessories. Abby, her look-alike American Girl doll that she so sweetly named Kate (the bride of whom Abby was the flower girl for a short 5 days following Christmas!).

Ben and Matthew's exciting gifts were of the video-game variety and a b.b. gun from Uncle Brian that they went out to shoot with him on Christmas day.

We spent several days at home playing games (our new favorite family game is apples to apples), going sledding, drinking hot cocoa and eating WAY too many sugar cookies!

Hope your holidays were as merry as ours!

from us to you....

2010-12-23T16:14:00.002-06:00

5 months home

2010-12-01T14:11:00.004-06:00

We arrived home from China five months ago today

with this little girl,

our newest family member.

To say that the last six months has been hard wouldn't really seem to do it justice,

but I'm not sure what else to say. It has been hard.

But it hasn't only been hard.

It's been humbling.

Emotionally exhausting.

Worrisome.

A test of our faith.

Dependent.

Joyful.

Heart-warming.

Funny.

Transitioning.

Tearful.

Attaching.

Eye-opening.

Frustrating.

Humbling;

oh did I say that already.....well I really can't say it enough.

A time of teaching.

A time of growing, learning.

It has been a blessing to welcome Jenna into our lives

and graft her into our hearts and our family.

Two weeks ago we dedicated her to the Lord at church. What an honor.

bad blogger

2010-12-01T13:53:00.009-06:00

I know, I've been a really bad blogger.

I do really enjoy getting these memories down to look back on one day, it's just that time escapes me.

But here's my attempt to catch up.

A conglomeration post.

We've been busy with fall activities. Abby is doing competitive cheer and she is working so hard at it and having so much fun. It's been fun for us to see her really loving an activity, as that hadn't ever happened up until now. Her team recently had 2 competitions and got 1st place in both for their division! Abby got to bring the trophy home from one of them for a visit so that was exciting for her!

It's turning into winter here in the midwest and this is how I found Emily one morning recently.

It made me laugh, and then run to grab the camera. I can't say enough what a riot she is. She has a big personality for such a little girl. A great sense of humor and makes me smile and laugh constantly.

Thanksgiving has come and gone already and we had the pleasure of hosting some good friends for the day and an overnight.

Our kids were very excited to spend time with their kids and I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel the same about spending time with their family as well. We had a great meal,

good conversation, the men had football and naps, and Sara and I had each otherfor company in themiddle-of-the-night Black Friday shopping. We are so blessed! ;)

fall kids photos

2010-11-11T09:14:00.003-06:00

30 days of giveaways

2010-11-10T12:57:00.003-06:00

Stefanie at Ni Hao Y'all apparently wants to get an early jump at this fast-approaching Christmas season. She's starting off right for all of us, with 30 days of giveaways!

Head over and leave a comment to get entered for some sweet prizes.

Sunday snapshot: spooky ooky

2010-11-01T09:41:00.004-05:00

Halloween this year was again a success. And we made Bakerella's Cake Pop ghosts, which contributed to it being so successful!

The big 3 chose their own costumes and after convincing Emily that she didn't want to be minnie mouse, the littles were bugs together. And cute ones at that.

The weather was decent, though a bit colder than I'd prefer, but I certainly acknowledged it as better than snowing on our begging night.

Jenna was clueless. She looked darling but I'm sure she couldn't grasp what or why we were doing this. She can't say 'trick or treat' but she didn't hesitate to grab candy from the bowls offered, and held it tightly once in her grasp, which wasn't a surprise! She did sign a 'thank you' when I asked her to, and then happily retreated back to the wagon under the warm blanket. Emily would have none of that. She had to run along and keep up with the big 3!

come alive

2010-10-14T13:24:00.003-05:00

Brace yourself, I'm feeling wordy today!

Remember back in May? We had a Mark Schultz concert/fundraiser at our church. The proceeds helped us bring Jenna home, donated a bunch of stuff to her orphanage, and helped the new ministry our church has started, Grace for Orphans. To look back on it now, the entire event and night seems surreal. It is one of my favorite memories of my life thus far. I was surrounded by people I love....so many of whom helped to make the event happen. We stood in the foyer as a group (all the volunteers and some church staff) before we opened the doors that night and held hands in a huge circle (of about 40 people) and prayed. We asked God to use the night to bless the orphans of the world, we prayed specifically for Jenna, and we prayed for the event to reach the people who were about to come through the doors for Him. I cried during that prayer. It was so humbling.

Anyways, God has continued to use Mark Schultz's music to speak to me. My favorite song at the time of the concert was He Is. Unfortunately, it wasn't included in his set that night. I gave him a hard time about it afterwards and he sang a little of it to me then... amazing. Anyways, a few short weeks later when I was in China, I listened to his music on my ipod. That song came on while we were on the drive out to the Great Wall - in very rural China, still sleep deprived from jet lag, completely emotional and scared to death in this country feeling so alone, watching the landscape change out the window as we drove further out of the city; I cried as he sang the words, (and I'm totally cutting in and out of the song the parts that really struck me-but you should go listen to the whole thing yourselves!)

"Father let the world just fade away, let me feel your presence in this place....

Lord I've never been so weary, how I need to know you're near me,

Father let the world just fade away......

even when it feels like there is no one holding me...

be still, my soul, HE IS."

"Father let your holy spirit sing, let it calm this storm inside of me,

As I stand amazed, lift my hands and say He is, He was, He always will be,

He lives, He loves, He's always with me.....

be still, my soul, through every fear, and every doubt, in every tear I shed,

down every road, I'm not alone, no matter WHERE I AM,

HE IS, HE WAS, HE ALWAYS WILL BE...."

Isn't that incredible! Well I hadn't heard the song since coming back home and then when I did, I cried all over again and felt like I was back in China again seeing that same landscape change before my eyes. It sounds delusional, I know.....but I just think it's a little treasure God gave me!

Anyways, now the song that is speaking to me is Mark Schultz's Come Alive. And I DO listen to other artists!

This song is all about (I think, anyways) how God's love can make you truly come alive. But I hear it through the filter of Jenna and all that she has endured, and never experienced in her short 2-year life. I have no idea still, what her personality really is; she is very serious, rarely playful. Usually just sits alone in the living room, not playing with toys but her hands, it's been very hard, and very sad. She still doesn't trust me. Our therapist says she has learned from the adults in her life that adults are not reliable and do not meet her needs, so it's just going to take some time. Maybe a long time....

Anyways, with that filter in mind....read these lyrics....and then better yet, go listen to the song!

Whatever happened to your childlike wonder,

whatever happened to your heart felt faith?

You used to live your life with such a hunger

whatever happened to those days?

Your smile used to tell a beautiful story

But every life will make a few wrong turns

But now you hide your heart,

Afraid that you're too far beyond repair, oh but I am here

So bring your broken heart to me,

lift it up and you will see

that our love can make a heart that's barely beating,

come alive, come alive.

My love is stronger than your weakest moment

My grace is greater than your worst mistakes

No matter where you've been,

I'm waiting at the end of every road

So close your eyes, let me love you,

I'm by your side, let me love you

so close your eyes, let me love you,

I'm by your side...

Bring your broken heart to me

Lift is up and you will see

That our love can make a heart that's barely beating

Come alive

And even when it all goes wrong

There's no such thing as too far gone

And our love can make a heart that's barely beating

Come alive, Come alive

on hiatus

2010-09-29T13:57:00.004-05:00

I have been on hiatus from blog world. Not purposefully or for a lack of things to report. I have many a blog post forming in my mind...but I'm sorting through some things and can't seem to get anything down clearly just yet.

Anyways, for the journal that this serves for me, I wanted to get some pictures up from our recent trip to Minnesota. We went to a friends' wedding and got to hang out with some fun people for the weekend. Since we were there, we made a weekend of it, and took in the zoo, the lake, and children's museum. Then we danced the night away at the reception. Literally. I absolutely love to dance with my kids. Seriously, one of my most favorite things.

Wish I had pictures of that to post (or not!). I hardly took any pictures all weekend. Very unlike me. Just soaked it all into memory instead. And had a great time enjoying my family and others we love that are like family.

More blogging to come soon....as soon as the fog lifts, so to speak.

twirly girly

2010-09-08T11:25:00.002-05:00

cutest darn thing I ever did see.....

2 months home

2010-09-01T15:42:00.003-05:00

Two months ago today, we arrived home with Jenna.

It feels like she's been here soooo much longer, but you know how it is when you're in the midst of something hard and time seems to drag on. that's about where we're at.

Friends of mine who have seen Jenna a few times since being home tell me she has made so much progress. It's harder to see from the inside I think.

In some regards, she's come so far, and in other areas I wonder if she's progressed at all. All part of the process, I'm sure.

She is understanding a lot of English. I know this because she does what we tell her, most of the time. Things like: get your shoes, put them away (to which she just throws them in the mudroom- just like all the rest of us ;) ), come here, stand up, sit down, time for bed (she goes to her bed), hug, and kiss.

She and the kids are doing fantastic together. She is definitely more bonded to them than to Jason or I. I keep feeling lately like she just won't give in to us. Not sure what that's about but I suspect it has to do with the fact that she's never had any reason to trust the adults in her life. She and Emily are very good together. They have moments here and there with sharing, but they also share hugs and kisses. It has been so humbling to see how easily the kids love her.

Her language is still very lacking. The speech therapist told me this week that if she had a language at all to begin with, even if it were chinese, she would be able to pick up another language more quickly. We're more and more convinced that she had no language at all upon arrival home and the sounds she makes are very much indicative of that. Baby babble is about all she's got. She is starting to mimic sounds that I make if she watches me make the sound first. She does have a few signs: eat, more, please, and we're working on all-done and thank-you. Most use is regarding food, which also continues to be her biggest struggle area.

Anyways, please continue praying for her heart and mine! There have been some struggles in this that I just didn't expect, which being the planner I am, have made them somewhat harder for me to deal with. But I know it will all come in time. And I thought the waiting was over! Ha!

first day

2010-08-29T10:11:00.003-05:00

A new year for everyone has begun! They started last week, and it's going really well. Each of the kids like their teacher so, so much (which makes a world of difference). The first day Ben got in the car after school and told me he couldn't wait for the next day. I looked at him, surprisedly, and asked, "really? why?" He replied, "because I have the most awesome teacher ever...." That's pretty great for a fifth grader!

So yes, 5th, 3rd and 1st grades. And one more year home with two littles. They'll go to preschool next year. I'm already looking forward to it! ;)

Here's the classic first day photos:

matthew's turn

2010-08-03T09:06:00.002-05:00

Though our life feels quite consumed by Jenna lately, there are 4 other terrific kids who are anything but inactive.

Wanted to talk a little about Matthew today and give him a turn to shine.

While Ben and I were away in China, Matthew stepped into the role of oldest sibling. Normally, Matthew is a very laid-back, mellow, almost oblivious kid. He's very sweet, just marches to the beat of his own drummer, as we like to say.... off in his own little world. A quality I wish I had sometimes ;)

Anyways, while we were gone, Matthew totally stepped it up and filled that responsible, oldest child role. He was a huge help with the other kids, and to Jason too as he would remind him of things! I was so proud to hear that! Maybe he's less oblivious than we think!

So after our return, Matthew got to play in one more tournament. It was kind of like his 'state,' since his team didn't go.

Matthew played great! He pitched well. He played second base and had an amazing running grab of a line drive that was hit in the gap that he stretched across his body and caught for the game winning/ending out. So fun to see him enjoying the game that our family loves so much!

Time is flying by. Only about 2 more weeks until the big 3 go back to school. I hope you're living up your summer!

Sunday snapshot: one month home

2010-08-02T13:53:00.003-05:00

Yesterday marked one month since I arrived home with Jenna.

She's gone from a little girl who looked like this when we met

to one who looks like this with only a little effort

Don't get me wrong....it is still a very slow going process. But these glimpses of hope I see through her assure me that she is cracking open a little more....a day at a time.

I have progressed in this as well.

I have a better perspective than ever from God's vantage point. About how we all, like orphans, have few, if any, redeeming qualities to offer. Yet He redeems anyways, like I'm trying to with Jenna.

And how for all those years before I knew Him, he was just pleading with me, "i'm safe, just love me....just trust me..." Just like I'm trying to do with Jenna.

Praise God for redemption.

Isaiah 61:3 "…to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor."

expectations

2010-07-17T17:31:00.003-05:00

wow. I really don't even know where to begin.

I have been wanting to post now for a good 5 days but haven't because I didn't know where to begin with all I want to say. I finally decided I couldn't avoid it any longer.

Jenna has been home now for 16 days. I had her in China for 10 days before that.

I don't want to sugar coat it too much....It has been very hard. I have told people here who ask that I think China was the easy part in comparison to coming home and integrating a two-year old into our family.

But we have also seen some progress.

The first week home, I was pretty discouraged. I think because I had expectations that weren't being met. Expectations of how I thought Jenna would progress, or how she would come around in different areas. Mostly from what I'd seen happen with others' stories whom I followed.

I have quickly learned that my expectations needed to be thrown out the window. Every child is so different and no matter what I read ahead of time in books or seen happen with others' on blogs, no one could have told me how Jenna would respond to any of this.

Good thing is, God knows. He knew that she belonged in our family and that we are the mom and dad to help her through this transition. And luckily, he, and only he, can equip us to do just that.

Did I mention this is the hardest thing I've ever done? :)

Anyways, some specifics I want to get down to remember later.....

This last Monday, on the day that Jenna had been with me for 3 weeks, she gave me a kiss at bedtime! My first sign of affection from her....and it sure was sweet. Since then she has given them to the kids and even Jason! Prompted of course, but still....

She is starting to come around to Jason....slowly. Just today for the first time, he was able to pick her up and hold her without her whimpering or crying.

She is playing with toys more. And with the kids more.

Her smiles come more easily. A few more laughs too.

She doesn't cry at bathtime anymore, and has learned that if she tilts her head back (with my help) then the water won't go in her face, which she really hates.

She still hasn't spoken, though she did squeal with excitement this week as I chased her on my hands and knees. That's the only real intentional sound other than crying we've heard.

Our biggest struggle currently is food/mealtime. There is something very unhealthy about her relationship with food. I don't know what happened prior to make her this way, and we are having a hard time knowing how to handle this. But we have some appointments this next week that may help us in that regard and we have already set up an occupational therapy appointment to help with her chewing also. (She doesn't chew foods but swallows whole; she was mostly fed liquids so she just doesn't know how yet).

Anyways, we are getting there.

Thank you for continued prayers.

our new, crazy normal

2010-07-05T21:46:00.004-05:00

We made it home! We got back on the evening of the first, and had a very horrible first night home before we packed the car the next morning to head to Ben's state baseball tournament for the weekend. I know it sounds crazy, but we felt that it was something we needed to do for Ben.

And actually, Jenna knew hotel living as normal, so it wasn't a far stretch for her.

We had a great time over the weekend at the tournament. I was so happy for our family just to all be together.

With Jenna, slowly, slowly, progress is being made.

I'd actually love to hear from any of you who have had to introduce your adopted child to your husband upon arriving home. That is really the biggest struggle right now. She is doing great with me, good with the kids, good sleeping, napping, eating, but not so great with Jason.

She's pretty food driven so she will let him feed her, but that's really it.

I assume she hasn't been around men before so I knew to expect it, I just don't know how to handle it. Do we force it? Do we force it with me around? Do we completely wait until she's totally comfortable with everything else? And how will I know when that is?

I am struggling with how to deal with it.

We both know that this is 'normal' in our heads, but for Jason's heart I know how hard it is. Only difference is that when she was handed to me, there was no one else to hand her off to when she freaked out.

Please continue to pray for this situation.

The travel home was fine. Of course, very long, but it was ok. I didn't sleep much as I awoke every time one of the kids rustled in their sleep. Ben and Jenna both slept about 5 hours of the 14. And to give you an idea of just how quiet Jenna is, she didn't make a peep for the entire trip. She really still hasn't. The nanny told me when I asked about her talking that her language is "lazy." Not sure if that means she can talk but doesn't, or if that means that she can't talk. ?? Although mellow and quiet may fit in quite nicely around here, I'm anxious to hear something from her.

baby steps

2010-06-28T05:54:00.004-05:00

all the kids

the whole travel group

Shamian Island

We are still making progress with Jenna. Though it seems to be baby steps, at least I am seeing some progress. She is kind of moody though. Not sure if that's just normal for the transition or what, but she often goes to sleep one way and wakes up completely different. Today has been a challenge. She seems to have taken a step or two backwards this afternoon after we had a really great day yesterday. ??? At least I have the glimpses I do that let me know she will come around eventually.

Her TB test was negative, praise God. She did have a reaction at the site; it looks like a mosquito bite, but they measured it and apparently it was within the ok range, because she passed as a negative result.

The last couple days have been spent with the group doing touring and shopping. We visited the jade market and a huge wholesale market shopping area. Last night we had a whole group dinner at a Thai restaurant. Not my favorite, but the company was great. Today we were supposed to visit a botanical garden but the group voted against it because of the rain. Have I mentioned it has rained here every day? And not just a quick shower, but lingering, persistent rain. The good side of that is that while the humidity is ridiculous, it could be a whole lot hotter if not for the rain.

I am getting very anxious to go home. I enjoy it here, but I am ready for home. I miss my family and my bed and pillow. Although, it is pretty nice having someone come grab my laundry and bring it back clean, pressed and folded. worth every penny. ;)

And we've really enjoyed hanging out with a couple specific families a lot, I am just ready to get on with things and back to our crazy normal. Hotel living is definitely not normal.

Tomorrow is our last full day here!

We are leaving on the train for Hong Kong on Wednesday afternoon and spending the night at a hotel there before flying home on Thursday.

Thanks for following our journey.

Love from China.

2010-06-26T04:45:00.002-05:00

Happy Birthday, sweet Emily!

Mama misses you so much and every time I think of you, I smile.

I'll be home soon and I can't wait to give you hugs and kisses.

I hope you have so much fun today with Daddy, mattman and ab.

I love you very much ;)

no words

2010-06-25T04:29:00.002-05:00

hanging out in GZ

2010-06-25T01:35:00.009-05:00

Today was pretty uneventful so far.

We went on a tour of the Memorial Palace (I think?). It was built for the man who was the first president of China in 1911 when the gov't re-organized and no more emporers.

The building was very pretty and is apparently an architectural sight.

After that we went to a park and walked through for awhile. Although, it was raining, as it has everyday here, and the humidity is seriously 100%. What a fun day to spend in a park!

Today was huge because on the bus ride after the park I got Jenna to smile!!! FINALLY! Then again in the hotel room, smiling and LAUGHING! Oh, melt my heart. And praise God, I really needed to see that progress today and the encouragement. Amazing how He knows exactly what we need and when we need it, isn't it?

Anyways, a couple of things about Jenna so far:

• she seems to be good at crying, and is starting to be a little dramatic about it. at first I thought it was just really sad, now I am starting to think she's got my number and is playing her cards. ??!! not sure how to balance making her feel very safe and trust me, but not get totally played.

• she will eat anything I give her. anything. without complaining. just opens wide. maybe just a true quality of orphanage life, not sure.

• also, she will just sit wherever for SO long and is so quiet. on the plane to GZ, on the buses we take, taxis, in the hotel room, wherever. I'm curious to see how long this will last!

We're not doing too much these next couple days. Just hanging around Guangzhou. Our hotel is very nice. Like, 5 star, reallllly nice. There are lots of amenities right nearby like Starbucks, McDonald's (which at home I loathe but here tastes surprisingly good!), Subway, Pizza Hut, a fancy mall with a grocery store inside-strange, I know, and lots of small shops.

Tomorrow we go back to Shamian Island to have all the kids' TB tests read. Pray for negative. Then we'll have lunch over there and do some shopping on the island.

Like I've said before, thank you so much for your prayers. They are being felt in a huge way. The last couple days were very hard for me and to have your encouragement has been so appreciated. Many have also asked about Ben. He's doing great. Getting a little bored at times as we always have down time for nap and such and there's just less going on here than the rest of our trip, but he's good. We've gotten several comments to him from young Asian women here saying 'handsome boy,' and asking him his name and where he is from. He gets a little embarrassed but always says, 'thank you,' as I told him we want to be sure to be polite Americans! He has been a huge help and always carries stuff, pushes the stroller, opens doors and whatnot. Please continue to pray for Jenna to show me who she is and continue to trust me and accept my care and love.

next to last stop: Guangzhou

2010-06-24T02:23:00.002-05:00

It's already the last leg of our trip! We are more than halfway there and one week from today, we'll be home!

We traveled to Guangzhou today. Had to leave Nanning very early to catch flight that was a quick one hour. We were greeted at the airport by Miko and then she took us directly to the medical examination where we met several other families in our group. The physical went well. The place was like no other medical clinic I've ever seen, and swarming with mosquitoes to top it off!?? odd.

Anyways, Jenna had to get 3 vaccinations and a TB test. She cried a lot, but did very well letting me comfort her.

As long as I am holding her, she is fine. Still not a lot of expression on her face, and she is generally very afraid of others. I would love to see her be just a little more playful, but I'm sure I will in time. Today I tried tickling her to try to see a smile or giggle and instead she cried. poor girl.

After all the kids (so far all girls with the exception of one boy) got their shots and exams done, we all headed around the corner to have lunch at the famous Lucy's of Shamian Island! It's nothing too special, just has a few comforts of home like french fries, movie posters in English, US license plates for decoration, and sweet tea. Good enough for me. I like this place!

We came back and checked into our hotel after that and Jenna needed a nap terribly. As I mentioned, she is growing more and more attached to me and likes to be held, a lot.

The minute I put her in the crib, she started screaming. Crazy screaming. Haven't heard that much from her yet and I tried to speak a few words of comfort and walk away to see if she would be ok. After several minutes, she was still hysterical, so I went back over and if I just put my hand on her, she stopped. I started to tear up and think that she is so afraid I'm going to leave. It broke my heart. Anytime I go to get out of a car, set her down somewhere, etc, she has a moment of panic like this and starts to cry. Until I touch her and tell her "it's ok." I leaned over the crib and patted her tummy or stroked her face until she fell asleep.

Even though I have parented four kids before the addition of Jenna, I feel like I have no experience at all. And with this circumstance, I don't! It's so hard what she is going through. I don't think I could grasp that before. I mean, of course it's hard and I knew it would be. But I have to constantly put myself in her shoes before I can respond to a situation. And the way I respond is so much different.

visiting luchuan

2010-06-24T02:00:00.006-05:00

the market in Luchuan

here we are with all the items we were able to donate to the orphanage as a result of the Mark Schultz concert: one large a/c unit, one small a/c unit, 4 walkers, one stroller, 2 cases of formula, & 30 towels! Grace for Orphans team, how awesome is this!!!???

the view out from jenna's orphanage

Jenna's finding spot; under the tree right outside the gates of the orphanage, she was found wrapped in a blanket inside a paper box and 9 days old.

jenna's orphanage

the market in Luchuan

on the drive out to her village; looking adorable. She has become very fond of her panda bear. :)

it was about 3.5 hours out to luchuan. had to go right through yulin to get there. yulin is the biggest city around luchuan, although luchuan is bigger than i expected. there was alot of farmlands and very small villages in between each place. all the way from nanning (heading to the east) were beautiful mountains as the backdrop in front of rice fields and small villages. very beautiful. on the back in even better as it was raining and foggy and misty looking. reminded me alot of NC and blue ridge parkway. big green mountains; except with rice fields, water buffalo and farmers with those pointed bamboo hats. :)

first thing we did was meet the nanny and director from yesterday in the market area at the shop to purchase air conditioners, and then the other baby supplies. We got SO much with the money: one large a/c, one smaller a/c, 2 cases (which was alot) of formula, 5 walkers, 1 stroller and 30 towels. that was awesome. we then followed them back to the orphanage. we couldn't go inside the building; apparently gov't won't allow that for anyone; so the main director and another worker came out and we all sat and talked and fed jenna and hung out waiting for a/c delivery. right when we first got out of the car in the village, the nanny asked to hold jenna for awhile, if i didn't mind. i didn't know what to do. i wanted her to have that time to say goodbye but didn't want jenna to be confused. she was fine with her and keep looking at me too. kind of sweet. once in the shop, the nanny needed to talk with shop workers when paying and stuff so she handed her back to me, and jenna came right to me and didn't cry at all!!! YAHOO!

so after we fed her and walked over and took pictures by her finding spot (literally, right outside the gates of the orphanage.) this person would have had to GO to the orphanage to abandon her there; it's not right in the center of town or anything. not terribly far, but kind of off on its own a little. it's some kind of banyan tree, and I took several leaves off of it to press and keep. When david tore the leaf off, it had a ladybug on it. I couldn't get my camera on fast enough before it flew away but it was something i'll remember forever, as much of the day was.

went back up to the orphanage as the truck came by with delivery of a/c units. while i went to the restroom i asked the nanny to hold jenna. she is very afraid of david, directors, maybe men? (uh oh jas!) so after i came out we were getting ready to leave and so i went to take her back, and she again came right to me without crying! all the orphanage people were like "aaahhh!" excited and I put up one hand as though victorious!! it was awesome. then right after that the one nanny called up to ask her other nanny to come out and say goodbye. apparently these 2 were her closest nannies there and she also held jenna for a moment but did great coming back to me again. i think we're getting there. us three are the only ones i've seen her be ok with, so even if she doesn't know i'm mama, she does know i'm safe.

it's official!

2010-06-22T08:09:00.004-05:00

Me, Ben and Jenna with nanny and director from her orphanage

with our guide in Nanning, David; he's terrific

the final signature followed by my thumbprint in red covering it

So, today we had our meetings with the officials in Jenna's province, Guangxi, and the signing of all the paperwork making it official that Jenna is OURS! That felt good.

I was a little nervous about today because it included meeting again with the nanny and director from her orphanage that brought her to me yesterday. I was afraid that seeing them again would be hard for her. However, it wasn't. She stayed on my lap the whole morning and did fine. If I'm being honest, I think it's because she has basically shut-down. I can see it from the blank stare on her face. She has shut down to protect herself from any more heartbreak. Like the most basic human response. While I know its very normal for the circumstances, it is very hard to see.

After the interviews I had and signing and such, we got to spend some time with the nanny and director and ask them any questions we wanted answered about Jenna's routine, personality, likes/dislikes.... basically all the things I have missed for the last 2 years and need to be brought up to speed on. I enjoyed that time very much. We all exchanged gifts and they gave Jenna a silver keepsake bracelet. It's very pretty and has some chinese characters on it for luck, health and happiness. Grateful to have that to give to her one day.

After our morning we just came back to our room for some lunch and naps. Ben and I watched a movie while Jenna napped and it was a nice restful time.

Both this morning and when Jenna awoke from her nap, she was a little sad. I picked her up out of her crib and put her next to me on the bed and she fell back asleep like that both times. As well as on my lap in the car today. I am thankful that she at least feels comfortable enough to be able to relax to fall asleep. Small victories. :)

After nap, we topped off the afternoon watching Ben swim in the hotel pool with another little boy whose family is here from Ohio, also adopting. After some more down time, our guide took both our families to a nice Cantonese restaurant where we actually enjoyed the food and Ben and I were successful with chopsticks for the first time ever! ;)

Thanks for continued prayers for Jenna's little heart to open and for her personality to start to show through.

jenna day

2010-06-21T07:45:00.004-05:00

we've had Jenna for just over 4 hours now.

I haven't felt like I could get away from her for even a second!

Our first meeting was rough.

We arrived at the Civil Affairs office a little after 3. There was one big room that had several other families already united with their children. There was a lot of crying.

You could practically feel the tension in the air. From all parties involved.

All the other families were matched and many had left while we waited for them to bring Jenna in. David, our guide, went out to the hall and came in with her following closely behind. She was accompanied by one of the orphanage directors and a nanny. She was walking and holding one of their hands.

I know now that they have been telling her about us, because the moment that she saw me, I knelt down in front of her, and she threw her head back and started wailing. Not screaming mad, but crying, scared to death. I think she recognized me from the photos as the 'mama' that they have been telling her was coming. I put my arms out to her and said 'bao' (hold). She really wanted nothing to do with me but I picked her up anyways. Tried talking to her. Got the backpack of things I brought for her; smarties, suckers, toys. She wanted nothing to do with any of them. She wasn't reaching for the people she came with though. She was so tense and so scared. You can see from her face how nervous she was. Breaks my heart.

We left with her about 20 minutes later. She cried most of the time until we left. Would stop for a second with interest of bubbles or something else, but she would grow bored with it quickly and start crying again.

I think just getting out of that anxiety filled room helped even just a little. The drive back to the hotel she was fine and has only cried a little since then. But she is so sad. She has hardly moved. Just sort of limp to whatever I do with her. She came into the room and we sat down on the floor together and played. She didn't move until I moved her. Same thing when we returned from WalMart buying formula and such. I carried her the whole time there and she was fine with that. I did let her walk a bit and hold my hand and that was fine too. I sat her down when we came in and she didn't move until I picked her up to get ready for a bath. She also has hardly talked. Ben played with her quite a bit; we got a brief smile (though when she saw me looking, she quickly removed her smile), and she also said 'ge-ge' (guh-guh, big brother) which was incredible. David and I were sitting in another corner of the room doing paperwork and could hardly believe our ears.

She ate some congee pretty well for dinner but wouldn't take her last bottle of the night. She didn't cry or anything; was just about to fall asleep sitting there, so I just put her down for the night and she's asleep a short 5 minutes later.

I know I'm not doing this day justice by my recount. It sounds all business. Believe me it was not. It was the most anxious I think I've ever been. I was sure I would either vomit or pee my pants before we arrived. Neither happened, luckily.

When we first got to civil affairs I was very emotional and teary eyed entering "the room." But once I saw her it all felt so surreal. My heart is aching for her tonight. She is very cautious of me. I notice her looking at me alot when I'm not looking at her. I pray that she will trust me soon. No little girl of two years old should have to endure the heartbreak that she is feeling tonight. She said good bye to her closest nanny early this morning before leaving to come to Nanning with another nanny and director. I'm sure that set the stage for the day. They both seemed very kind. They were smiling a lot as I tried to calm her. When they left, she was still quite upset. But on our drive after they called my guide to see how she was doing, which made it obvious how much they care for her.

Anyways, I am heading to bed as it's been one terribly long day. Thank you all for your prayers. As rough as the day was, I felt God's presence right there with us. The compassion he gave me. I hope that Jenna is feeling his strength as well. I marveled at the fact that he brought us from east and west to unite as a family. Incredible day. But I am so glad to have it behind us. I can't wait to see her personality emerge!

the lucky one

2010-06-19T16:59:00.002-05:00

Exactly 5 months ago yesterday, we saw the face of a little girl that we felt God softly telling us was our daughter. We moved forward cautiously, prayerfully and hopefully. We reviewed all of her documents, medicals, and information, and sought counsel. The following day, we took a huge leap of faith and said Yes. Yes, we accept her referral. Yes, she is our daughter. Yes, we feel called to adopt an orphan and cannot deny it.

In the 5 months since then, we have seen our family transformed through this experience.

Our faith has grown. Strengthened. Deepened. We hunger for Christ. Our faith has been authenticated. We trust so much more blindly.

We have seen love in a very innocent way through our children: pure and whole. They love Jenna so much already; across the world and without ever having met her. To them, adoption has always been a 'no-brainer.' Every child deserves the love of a family. Simple as that. I think that is huge. It's sometimes hard for kids to grasp things that aren't tangible. But this has not been hard for them. They love her and cannot wait to meet their sister.

We have seen God provide in a very tangible way. Financially and otherwise. The way He has prepared the kids for my being away alone is remarkable. Even little Emily who is such a mama's girl has done so well. About breaks my heart every time we talk to hear her say "miss you mama," but bless her heart, she hasn't thrown a fit for mama yet.

Our prayer life has grown hugely. As well as our entire perspective. About what's really important. I pray that doesn't ever fade.

I have been told by many people during this time how lucky Jenna is. I know that people mean that as a compliment, and their sentiment is very kind. But what we have gained already from this experience is so valuable, I always think to myself when someone says that, 'I think we might be the lucky ones.' And we haven't even met Jenna yet!

The fact that God created Jenna perfect, precious and beautiful in His sight, and cares about and loves her more than I can even grasp (as He does all of us), yet has chosen us to be her family is so incredibly humbling. I know He's got great things in store for her life and we are the lucky ones to get to be a part of it all.

more beijing

2010-06-19T05:22:00.003-05:00

Today was also pretty incredible.

I don't really feel I can do it justice with my recounting so I'd like to mostly let the pictures do the talking.

For my journaling purposes though, today we visited:

• Tian'anmen Square

• The Forbidden City

• The Temple of Heaven

• a silk factory- very interesting seeing the whole life cycle of a silkworm and then how they process the silk.

• the pearl market- again, very interesting. learned about freshwater pearls and how you can tell the difference between real and fake pearls and Ben got to fish an oyster out of a tank and they broke it open to show us all the pearls inside. I never knew that pink pearls can only be found in China!

• the Summer Palace- where we got to take a boat ride across the lake.

Ben's favorite part of the day was the Forbidden City. It was remarkable. So historical and hard to believe we were standing in it.....

My favorite part was probably the Summer Palace. Although I also enjoyed the grounds at the Temple of Heaven also. Neat to see how active the Chinese people are. The park was filled with people, mostly older retired people as our guide said, who go there daily just to enjoy activity. People all over the park were dancing, playing jiang si (hacky sack; no idea how to spell but that's what it sounded like!?), people playing cards, etc...

The Summer Palace was just beautiful. It's the place the Emporer and Empress went in the summer because it was so much cooler, being next to a lake (Kunming lake). Really beautiful. It has a very long corridor that's all outside; open sides and along the roof inside and all the posts have different paintings that tell a story about China. Every section was different. No replications. Incredible. Also something to notice when looking at the pictures is all these amazing buildings like at Forbidden City were build without any nails.

Well, that was more than I intended to write, but it was alot of information today! I would have enjoyed history classes so much more if I could have seen it firsthand like today!

In other news, we are doing very well. Feeling a little more settled in, if that's even possible while we're in a foreign land speaking none of the language. But we are. I feel God's hand on us. Protecting us, strengthening us, sustaining us. I have probably never felt it so clearly than I have these last 2 days.

Only 2 more sleeps for us until we get Jenna. Tomorrow we travel to her province. Please continue to pray for her transition. For her caretakers who are preparing to say goodbye. For her to be drawn to me somehow and to be open to accept the love that I can't wait to pour onto her. I can't wait to meet her!

great wall and more!

2010-06-18T06:31:00.002-05:00

Ben wanted to be sure we got this on here for you, Jocoa!

the whole family on the Great Wall of China!

Today was amazing.

For starters, we slept all night! Still woke early, about 5, but that was fine as we went to sleep about 8:30. We both woke up and said, "that was awesome!" because we had slept all night and we talked about that right before going to sleep!

It certainly helped our day.....we had a long one and made it all the way through with no nap! :)

We went to the Great Wall first off.

The section that our guide took us to is further away, though still in Beijing, but he said it's nice because it's less busy since its further away. It was another neat drive out; through lots of rural area and up into the mountains. Reminded us of the green mountains in NC. Beautiful.

We took a cable car both up and down the mountain and for that we were glad. It was very steep just walking up to the cable car area!

We walked and climbed for a good hour; it was surreal. We just couldn't believe it. Amazing. Beautiful. So much history. Really fascinating. Couldn't believe how many stairs there were, and how steep and uneven. We commented several times about the soldiers running along there and how dangerous that would have been. The towers were especially remarkable with the lookouts and such. I really can't do it justice by explaining, and even the pictures pale in comparison; though we did get some good ones!

After the wall we went to a local restaurant there in the Mutianyu village. We ate mostly rice, but it was fine. We were mostly thirsty and happy to sit for awhile. Also enjoyed a Coke!

From there it was on to Olympic Park to see the Bird's Nest and Water Cube and all the rest. Such a nice area. Interesting to hear about all the changes made to bring the Olympics to Beijing, and what its meant for the city since then. Things like how the city was so dirty before but they cleaned up and now the gov't pays to keep it clean. People here really like that. Also that the prices of cars were VERY expensive before the Olympics b/c they were discouraging people from having personal cars due to more traffic and even more coming for the games. Now prices are much lower.

Anyways, then we went to a Tea Ceremony where we got to taste and learn about several different kinds of tea. I really enjoyed this, except I had my first run-in with squatty potties at the tea house :(

Then we went to our Hutong tour. We rode in a rickshaw to see a Hutong neighborhood. Which is basically the older preserved Beijing. Most people now live in apartments, because too many people, so they've had to eliminate most of the Hutongs to build apartment buildings. This particular one is being preserved by the city b/c tourists enjoy it.... It was fun.

After that we went to the Beijing acrobatic show, which was amazing and incredible, but I was very tired by then.

Back to hotel brings us here!

Enjoy the photos.

Another big day touring the city tomorrow.

Thanks for your prayers.

free day

2010-06-17T05:52:00.004-05:00

Matthew- you can barely see it, but Ben is holding the flat matthew in the face spot here. They have World Cup stuff all over the shopping areas, you would love it. Even a giant big screen outside on the side of the building for people in the center to stop and watch!

Today our schedule had a built in free day. Mostly to recover from travel probably, which we are still working on! Last night we stayed up as late as we could and crashed about 6:30 p.m. Sad right? Well then we woke up about every 2 hours. Stayed up for one and a half nearmidnight and then slept again til almost 5. Not too bad.

Today we were dragging and needed a nap after lunch. I was determined to get up after an hour, but didn't even wake until after 2 hours had passed. I hope we can sleep tonight! We are doing pretty good and its already past 6:00 p.m.!

We had a driver today who we asked to take us out to New Day Foster Home. I was pretty excited about going. It was neat to see first hand what I've been following online for the last couple years. Emotional too, knowing the stories of the kids, and about the work that this place is doing. Good day for going too, as it was thunderstorming. It is very far removed from the city, think suburban. But the further out we drove, the landscape changed so so much. There are a lot of abandoned buildings; some of them now just rubble, lots of small storefronts; trash everywhere.

We had a tour of the whole facility and then spent some time talking with Rita and playing with the kids a little. Preschool was in session so just the younger ones were in the playroom. When I sat down, I was swarmed. Sweet and sad. Annie latched onto me and wouldn't let me put her down for the duration. Ben had a little guy cling to him aswell; they played catch and Ben helped him up and down the slide, as his leg was casted, and the other soft casted. I think Ben really enjoyed going there. I know I did.

After our lunch and nap we walked around our hotel area. Apparently our hotel is in a very nice shopping district. Although, it's fancy shopping; like Coach, Burberry, Gucci, etc. Interestingly, behind the high rise buildings, you can see houses; shacks really, with all the roofs touching one another. Odd to see two ends of the spectrum right next to each other.

We were able to walk about 3 blocks and find a shopping mall that had Nike Beijing, and a bunch of other stores. We looked in a couple, but mostly we went there to pick up Pizza Hut to go. We've had a nice quiet afternoon and have been chillin' in the room all evening. We're still plenty tired!

Tomorrow is a big day with the Great Wall; please pray we have nice weather for it. We got absolutely drenched today in the rain and Ben's tennis shoes still haven't dried out!

Here's a couple pictures of us at New Day, and then the shopping area we walked to.

(Laura, I just had to take one of LensCrafters China for you!)

sleep please!

2010-06-16T03:53:00.003-05:00

Well, we're here in Beijing.

We are exhausted. We are trying to stay up a little longer and then hoping to sleep 12 hours. The flight went well. It was very very long, but good otherwise. Ben was able to sleep a little. The last 40 minutes we ran into a thunderstorm that brought the worst turbulence I've ever felt. Luckily, Ben slept through the whole thing, but it left me feeling very nauseous and yucky. Then I was worried after we got off, because I was still feeling pretty green, that I was going to start vomiting and then get held in quaratine as we went through customs. We walked through the giant scanner that took our temps on the way through, no problem and shortly after I started feeling a little more grounded.

We found our driver no problem, he's also our guide for our time in Beijing; he's very nice. I have to listen closely to understand his english, but he's very nice.

We got to the hotel; dropped off, and then had issues because my credit card wouldn't work. I was on the verge of tears, so upset because I did talk with the bank last week and thought I had taken care of it, so felt helpless. Luckily, they let me pay cash for tonight, but I can't keep doing that because I'll run out. Hopefully Jason can get it sorted out on that end by tomorrow for me.

Anyways, by the time we got upstairs, we were both in tears. Ben said 'i just wanna go home.' He's so tired. So am I. He was a trooper today.

Anyways, I really am exhausted, so that's all I've got for now.

em's 2nd birthday celebration

2010-06-14T15:38:00.005-05:00

Emily's 2nd birthday falls while I'll be in China, so we decided to celebrate a little early.

She was very excited about having a 'dora cake,' and I was very excited to get out and take some "emily's 2 year old pictures".

At 2 years old, Emily:

• is the busiest one of our bunch. always going- climbing, running, laughing, disobeying :)

• is very stubborn. shocking, right?

• is saying many words, phrases and repeating everything. some favorites of mine are: "abby right NOW," the way she says "masshew," "mamas truck, daddys truck," and "luz you more mama (for i love you more mama).

• is occasionally interested in the big girl potty

• loves her mama and may have a hard time sharing her with Jenna

• has her siblings all wrapped around her finger

• has very curly hair, which we love and are afraid to ever cut

• is pretty outgoing and very funny

Here are a few photos of her day:

Sunday snapshot: anticipation

2010-06-13T22:15:00.002-05:00

Well, the anticipation will surely be a couple notches higher this time next week, as I'll be meeting my daughter face-to-face for the first time. But for now, the anticipation is that I'm leaving for China the day after next! Nothing else to say! Bags are packed (mostly) and I am ready as I'll ever be. Just get me to my girl!

great cause

2010-06-11T22:04:00.003-05:00

So, most of you know the place in my heart for New Day Foster Home and the work they do. A newer offshoot of New Day is a project called Forever Home where a family, the Rippees live, house, and care for older girls who are orphaned, showing them the love and way of family life. Its really terrific. Anyways, its a volunteer position and they are funded by raising support. They have 4 kids already; 2 grown biological children and 2 adopted daughters from China. They feel called to adopt again and this fundraiser is to benefit their adoption. (and there are a ton of great prizes!)

I've said before and firmly believe that when people seek to care for the orphans of the world in the name of Christ, He shows up in a big way.

Click the button below to go to the fundraising site to check it out and support them in this cause.

4 days!

2010-06-11T08:35:00.002-05:00

Just wanted to say a quick hello! We've been busy busy, running endless errands. Today we're going to try to do something fun. This has been my kids' first week out of school and they have been less than thrilled to be going from place to place, but there was no complaining and they were such troopers.

Anyways, bags are being packed and many items are being crossed off my to-do lists!

In only 4 days we will be on our way, and one huge step closer to our girl!

I've added our itinerary to the sidebar, so you can follow along. I'm certain you're just as excited as I am! ;)

Jenna

2010-06-01T15:41:00.003-05:00

Happy 2nd Birthday to Jenna today!

Breaks my heart to not be with her for her birthday today, but we will celebrate with her once we get her home- in just a few short weeks! This will be the last birthday she'll ever spend without her family. Praise God for that!

We sent her a birthday cake through Blessed Kids, so here are some photos they sent us of her with her cake and friends!

11 years!

2010-05-29T12:49:00.002-05:00

Happy Anniversary Jason!

11 years and counting! Love you.

then:

and now:

total disbelief

2010-05-26T08:01:00.004-05:00

Due to some unique circumstances, our agency asked for us to be pushed through quickly for Article 5. That was the very last thing we needed before the much anticipated Travel Approval (TA). We got Article 5 last Monday, 5/17, after only 4 days, when it normally takes exactly 2 weeks.

And now, just 8 days later, this:

I'll post again as soon as I know our exact dates, they have to get the consulate appointment confirmed and that will determine the entire trip, as that's the very last thing we have to do (it's when we pick up her visa to come home). But it's looking like we'll leave mid-June!

Stay tuned!!

Sunday Snapshot: the culmination

2010-05-23T20:11:00.004-05:00

Well, this Friday marked a very big milestone in our adoption journey. The event we've been planning for several months....stressing over, worried about, praying for, consumed by, and so anxious to get through. It was the Mark Schultz concert fundraiser at our church.

I dreamed big with this idea and was so incredibly humbled and blessed to see it all come together. This adoption journey has been a long one for us, (with many unexpected turns along the way), and in my mind, besides bringing her home, this was sort of the culmination for me.

I had this idea before we ever saw Jenna's face and now, in doing this event, it means we are very close to getting our girl.

I think it all hit me as we stood in the foyer before the doors opened- the entire group of volunteers (about 40 people), our pastors, our closest friends (who we absolutely could not have done this without)- we all prayed together. Not just for a successful event, but for Jenna, for her joining our family, for the orphans of the world, and for God to be present and glorified in all of it. It was an incredible night. Very personal, emotional.

The night was one of those memories that I will hold close to my heart for the rest of my life. I got to share it with many of the people I love most in this world and through this event I pray that many lives will be touched. From the proceeds of the event, we are able to 1) get some financial help with our adoption expenses, 2) purchase a large air conditioning unit for the baby room of Jenna's orphanage, and 3) start a seed fund for the Grace for Orphans ministry at our church to hopefully bless another family who may adopt in the future. I believe that when people seek to care for the orphans of the world in the name of Christ, He shows up in a big way.

matthew's eighth

2010-05-18T19:24:00.005-05:00

Matthew turned eight years old yesterday.

We took some boys to an Iowa baseball game Friday night to celebrate, then had baseball all weekend, and so last night he got to choose the spot for dinner. He chose Texas Roadhouse and Uncle Brian came along. Then we came home gave him our gifts and had oreo ice cream cake, Matthew's choice again. yuuummmmm.

At the Iowa game, they introduced Matthew before he threw out the first pitch of the night. This is what they said about him: "He loves baseball; the Hawks, the Cubs and somehow, the Yankees ;) He also enjoys Hawkeye football and soccer. Matthew plays for the 8u Trojan Gold baseball team." In addition to all of that, Matthew is a very sweet boy who is very laid back and a ton of fun to be around. He is a goofball and makes us laugh often. We are very blessed by Matthew.

Happy Birthday bud! We love you.

Sunday Snapshot: baseball, amped

2010-05-16T20:25:00.008-05:00

So this weekend was our first weekend with both boys in a tournament. Ben's team has had a couple but this was Matthew's first go-round with a tournament. Between both boys, on Saturday and Sunday, they played 10 games. And yesterday included the most intense baseball game I have ever personally witnessed with Matthew's 8u team in sudden death that went 3 extra innings; and he was pitching throughout those 3 innings. He did amazing; didn't give up any runs and struck out several. "We" ended up winning by one run!! His team ended up getting 2nd place in the tournament overall.
Ben's team played some really good teams and tougher competition than they had probably seen before, so that's good for them as a team to be learning to play up and rise to the challenge.
On top of all of that, we took a group of boys to the local University baseball game Friday night to celebrate Matthew's birthday. (I know, more baseball, we must be crazy, right?) That was a ton of fun too and I'll post more about that tomorrow.

So, needless to say, I'm exhausted!
Happy Spring to all of you! Happy Baseball season to us!

while I'm waiting....

2010-05-11T19:42:00.004-05:00

I've been working on the little girls' room. I think it's helped Emily to grasp this upcoming change in a tangible way also. She'll be sharing her room with Jenna, so we put the bed up in there, and now I've gotten the bedding and everything just how I wanted, pictures and letters hung and all. I *love* the artwork on the wall. It's a series of 3 with 2 birds in cherry blossom trees (remember "jenna" means 'little bird' so I love it all the more!)

Now we just need Jenna home to sleep in this darling bed! I was telling Jason how weird it is to see this empty bed sitting there. He responded, "think how it will be to see it filled."

I can't wait! All these small steps feel like they're adding up and I'm ready to bring this girl home to her bed, and her room, her toys, clothes and FAMILY!

Meanwhile, everything paperwork-wise is plugging right along. We got our NVC letter yesterday saying that we were cabled 5/4 (basically that our immigration approval was sent/wired/cabled from U.S. to China so that they know we're cleared and can issue her visa while we're there) and so our agency representative will hand deliver some paperwork in China on Thursday and then it should be 2 weeks until we get Article 5. I don't really know what Article 5 is, but I know that it's the LAST thing we need before they will issue our TRAVEL APPROVAL (TA)!! So, we are getting there!

And now, alas, the room:

Sunday snapshot: celebrating life

2010-05-02T19:36:00.005-05:00

I was honored when a close friend asked me to come to the hospital to take pictures immediately after the birth of their third child.

I absolutely loved being reminded of the miracle of life. What a joyous creation! God is so good and simply amazing!

Here's a couple of my favorite shots from my time there....

Trey Aaron-isn't he perfect?:

preparing

2010-04-28T10:45:00.006-05:00

a "rag" quilt I made for Jenna

a "required" pink item I picked up after we got PA

"jenna" blocks added to the rest of ours

We're preparing for Jenna, in ways big and small.

Rearranging bedrooms. Purchasing bedding (matching bedding, that is so super cute - pictures forthcoming when room is finished!), each time I go to Target, I pick up some necessity for the trip. Immodium, TUMS, (can you tell I'm concerned about our tummies?) antibacterial wet wipes, tylenol for all, the list goes on. But the point is, I am checking items OFF it!

I'm reading "The Connected Child," (very informative, very practical) and I picked up the most excellent children's book from Amazon recently. It's called "I Wished for You." It's a marvelous story of adoption through a conversation between a mother and child bear asking questions about how they became a family. If it's one you haven't seen, you should!

We're currently waiting on our 800 approval. It should arrive any day now. Maybe a few days ago, actually. But it's fine because I know we're getting there. Looking at the calendar this week at May's arrival!! wow! Next month is likely the month that I'll look face to face at my daughter for the first time. I can't wait!!!

buckle up - guest post

2010-04-27T14:00:00.004-05:00

(this is a post from Stefanie at Ni Hao Y'all)

If you're not a Christian, this post is not for you.

If God hasn't pricked your heart to the plight of the orphan, stop reading now.

But if you're still with me, I've got something to say. And it's not wrapped up with a bow, nice and pretty and polite.

So buckle up.

What are you doing? To make a difference in the life of an orphan?

Right now?

I believe that God uses us all uniquely for His purposes. Some He calls to care for the orphan. And this 'orphan care' has many faces... but the common heart is doing something, some thing, for orphans.

Sponsoring children. Knitting blankets. Volunteering. Spreading the word. Collecting pennies to donate. Praying diligently.

And while I have no idea what that looks like for you, I know it's been nothing short of a revelation for me. We were called to adopt. No hemming. No hawing.

One day my eyes were closed and the next day they were opened. And as quickly as that, God planted that seed in my heart for orphans and no matter how much I might have wished to 'go back' over the years (not many, by the way) there simply is no going back.

I have seen. And I am responsible to act.

And if you have had that same seed planted, to love and care for the orphan, so are you.

It might not mean adoption, true. But it might. And if you think that you're fooling God by spouting off with all sorts of excuses, you're not. God's heart is for the orphan and time and time again He has revealed Himself to be the Provider for the fatherless. In our journey and in countless other adoption journeys we have been blessed to witness His hand at work.

There is no excuse good enough to justify closing your eyes.

And pretending like it's not there.

And that you can't afford to give up some time and energy to care and love another.

Or that "once x, y or z happens" then you'll consider adoption.

Or that the $25,000 it costs to adopt is more than God can possibly provide.

I'm not buying it.

Adoption isn't easy. Sometimes it's downright tough. But is the God who sent His only Son as a sacrifice for you and for me not allowed to ask you to do something that might be occasionally difficult? For Him? For one of His children?

Really?

So, if your face is burning and your stomach is turning, that's the Holy Spirit tapping you on the shoulder, again.

This post is for you.

a heavy heart and a nervous stomach

2010-04-21T16:22:00.002-05:00

So, yes, I have weeks (the number still unknown) until travel, and yet I am already a wreck! I have never done any international travel (besides Mexico) and certainly not on another continent. Trying to get my head wrapped around this trip makes my stomach hurt just thinking about it. I have not been sleeping great, which needs to stop already; I wake up with some idea of what might be helpful to have along, etc... and then my brain won't shut off.
Plus it's looking like it will be just my oldest son, Ben (10 years old) and I on this epic journey, which adds an element of fear, worry, anxiousness. ugh. What to pack, what will we eat, is Jenna still on a bottle?, what supplies might I need, etc.

I am, by nature, a worrier. So is Ben (the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, right?). But, rather than worry, which is absolutely useless (Matthew 6:34, Philippians 4:6), I am trying to focus on giving it to God and praying. I'd like to ask you to join me in prayer for some specifics:

• for Jenna's heart and transition. I have been completely blind-sided by the thoughts of how, while we're here making preparations for her arrival, looking at her picture and loving her more everyday, praying for her, prepping Emily for her, etc., she has absolutely no idea about us. We sent her a photo book, but c'mon, she's not even 2 yet. How much could she really be prepared for what is going to happen? It's really heavy on my heart. Trying to imagine and prepare myself for the enormous amount of grief that she will be experiencing.

• for me to trust God to take care of me while we're there. I'm worried about getting sick (lots of people get sick while there b/c of food issues, etc) which would be really difficult without an adult there to help me.

• also for me emotionally while we're there. I feel like this experience is the culmination of so much in my life. Being adopted myself and now being on the other side of it has been a very revealing experience for me....already. And there's so much more to come.

Thanks for joining us on this journey.

Sunday snapshot: it's really happening!

2010-04-11T19:14:00.015-05:00

Here we are signing our LOA on Wednesday before overnighting it back to our agency for them to send on to USCIS for 800 clearance. Early on, we asked for generalized permission to make an orphan a U.S. citizen and now we have to ask to make this particular child a U.S. citizen.

That's the next step.

I've never been this excited to see the FedEx truck!

Receiving this document made it very real to me that it's really happening!

get this!

2010-04-09T18:40:00.007-05:00

So, for many, many months; before we ever got our referral for Jenna, my husband and I have talked about how are we going to afford this adoption? We certainly didn't have that kind of cash stocked anywhere, waiting to be spent. As I've read more and more adoption stories, most people don't have the cash sitting there. It's about a call to step outside of comfortable, to go out on the branches to where the fruit is, so to speak, and more importantly, about obeying that call and responding. It's about having faith that God will provide in a big way. Financially, emotionally, relationally, and in ways I have yet to experience too.

So, one of the ways that we are setting out to raise some financial support is by hosting a concert at our church. But not just any concert. Mark Schultz. One of my favorites. My husband loves his storytelling and the stories behind the songs. I love the emotion of the songs and his personality and stage presence. His voice ain't bad either. ;)

We approached our church and said we had this big idea and could they get behind us to support it and let us use the church facility as a venue. They agreed. I feel that God is already blessing this event and I feel confident that he will use this event for His glory! Some things bigger than we could have thought are coming out of this event:

1. A portion of the proceeds will be used to buy supplies (namely a large air conditioning unit) for the baby room at the orphanage that Jenna is from. The place she has lived since being abandoned at nine days old.

2. We are getting some help financially to help this adoption happen and to bring Jenna home.

3. Another portion of the proceeds will be used to start a "seed fund" if you will, for the adoption and orphan ministry that is just getting started at our church. The ministry is called Grace for Orphans and we have a team of people that comprise this group who all feel called to be responding to the orphan crisis in some way. The fund would continue to grow and hopefully be used to bless other families who may choose in the future to give another orphan a family.

I love how God gives us more than we could ask for! Reminds me of the story of David wanting to build a house for God and God says no, actually, I am going to build a house for you. Remarkable. Bigger than we can imagine.

Anyways, if any of you readers are local (you know who you are!) please consider supporting this event by coming out for a very special evening of music with Mark Schultz
on Friday, May 21st at 7:00 p.m.

Tickets can be purchased at our church.

If you would like any more information, please contact me privately!
My email can be found in my profile.

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him." 1 Corintheans 2:9

day 43

2010-04-06T16:06:00.003-05:00

LOA came today! As a total surprise too, making it all the sweeter. I always said I didn't like surprises, but now I don't know. This was pretty sweet.

Easter cuteness

2010-04-05T19:21:00.002-05:00

abby's sixth

2010-03-27T09:23:00.007-05:00

our first daughter turned six years old over spring break.

i can remember her birth like it was yesterday.

the instant overwhelming love.

how excited we were to have a daughter with two big brothers.

how, as much as i didn't think it would be different, it's different with a girl.

abby has grown into a very sweet little girl.

she loves art, and crafty things.

she loves to help me in the kitchen. matching aprons and all.

she loves animals...namely dogs. the live and stuffed varieties.

she is an amazing reader and loves school.

she is very motherly to her little sis.

she has the best laugh, and often can't stop giggling. sometimes we call her gigglepants.

she isn't a total girly girl, which i love about her.

she enjoys being outside exploring nature and getting dirty.

for her birthday celebration, she insisted we go out for dinner (everyone gets to choose their birthday dinners) solely because she wanted to have dessert at a restaurant. none of this 'come back home and have cake and ice-cream thing'. i thought that was funny. but we never get dessert when we go out for dinner, so i suppose it really was a treat.

it's been such a joy to have abby in our lives.

she is such a blessing to our family.

we love you so much abby!

happy birthday.

some serious posting

2010-03-22T16:13:00.003-05:00

I've been absent for far too long! I have had such good intentions on more than one occasion, but just never got it done. We are just coming off of spring break week, so certainly haven't had a lack of things going on, but that's just what kept me from doing what I'd like to be doing most.... ;)

(sitting around in my lounge clothes; casually cleaning house, throwing in a load of laundry every so often, sipping a delicious St@rbucks, surfing the web).... ah... I wish.

Instead, we were visiting friends, packing, cleaning, celebrating abby's 6th birthday, showing the house, and outta town to a ginormous indoor waterpark. My kids heaven on earth. As we were walking in to the resort, one of them muttered, "this is paradise." And there ya have it, 'our' spring break!

I will be posting ALOT these next few days to catch up!

Here's one of my favorite moments captured from our break: let me set the stage a bit: our oldest son just moved his room to the basement of our house; he's 10 and wanted his 'own' space instead of sharing with his brother, like he had been for the last 2 years. We already had a queen bed in what was the spare bedroom, which we let him takeover. He's LOVING the bed, and each weekend, either Matthew or Abby has wanted to sleep down there with him. Over break, they convinced us to let them all 3 sleep together. We went down for Emily to tell them goodnight and she freaked out.....couldn't stand it that the big 3 were there without her! So, we put her in with them for about 20 minutes and let them all giggle and goof around. I love seeing all of them laughing together and enjoying one another so much!

Sunday snapshot: another glimpse

2010-02-28T10:36:00.005-06:00

We enlisted the help of Adele at Blessed Kids to see if we could get some updated photos of our girl, Jenna.

Her referral photos were from when she was just one, (about 8 months old), and in one of them, her eyes were half-closed.

So, I was dyin' to see her!

It took some extra time, but on Friday, we received three updated shots. eak!

I hadn't posted her picture previously because I wanted confirmation from our agency that it was ok to do so.

Isn't she sweet?

one step closer

2010-02-27T20:53:00.004-06:00

We got word today that we are, in fact,
LOGGED IN!
I had been hoping that it had happened and
we just didn't know it yet,
(due to Chinese New Year holiday and such).
We were DTC (dossier-to-China) on 2/1/10 -
Well, just as I had hoped.
Our LID (log in date) is 2/22/10!!
One step closer to Jenna!

We can't wait to see her sweet face in person.
Now we wait some more for LOA.
Pray for speed!

Sunday snapshot: squares + wishes!

2010-02-21T15:03:00.007-06:00

I am working on a 100 Good Wishes quilt for Jenna to help pass the time while we wait, and I really need your help! I am about 1/3 of the way there on my squares.

This is a photo of one I just received from our dear friends, Bill and Sara, that just came in the mail yesterday.

You can visit the link on the sidebar to go to Jenna's quilt site, or click HERE to go directly to the instructions of how to participate.

It takes a village, right?! please consider helping us! please?!

it's not as much work as you may think and once you get started, it's really a lot of fun.

If you decide to participate and need our mailing address, my email can be found in my profile.

send me a message and i'll get you our info.

emily's first piggytails/curlytails

2010-02-19T16:54:00.003-06:00

Sunday snapshot: what a week!

2010-02-14T20:13:00.003-06:00

Well, as much as I wish it weren't so, we've had a lousy week here.

Some version of a stomach bug hit our house, and one-by-one, each of our kids had their turn with a less-than-12-hours of vomiting. Of course, for 2 of them, it involved overnight. Why does it always happen like that? One of them never actually vomited, but felt very nauseated all day and was on the verge. Poor guy.

So, not a ton to photograph (well, be thankful I didn't photograph in the moment) ;)

By week's end, everyone was on the mend so we did make some Valentine's cupcakes and paper lanterns for our first Chinese New Year celebration.

However, today the bug revisited Abby, so we had to lay low again....

Praying it's not the adults' turn this week!

worth it

2010-02-10T10:14:00.004-06:00

Stefanie over at Ni Hao Y'all and also the creative genius behind Wild Olive tees is introducing their latest design, and 100% of the profits will support Haiti. I have a couple of Wild Olive's other tees, and I love 'em. You can click on the photo of the shirt above to visit Wild Olive's site.

Now's your chance to try one, with it supporting a great cause. Totally worth it.

Sunday Snapshot: behind the scenes

2010-02-07T13:07:00.009-06:00

So, on the 28th of January, we got PA. Pre-Approval from China for our girl, Jenna, waiting for us there, in Guangxi. So, with that, our agency said we could put together a care package for her. So, of course, we obliged. We sent off to her: a taggie blanket, some disposable cameras (for the nannies to fill up and give us when we get her, which will be a great keepsake for her; some pics of her and her peeps in the orphanage), a photo book of our family (the thought of her seeing us for the first time is something I can't seem to get out of my head, and I've been praying about her heart in that moment, alot), a stuffed panda bear named Munches, some coloring books and crayons for the other children, some hard candy for the nannies, and heart-shaped Valentine suckers for all.

Then I got to thinking, as I've been trying to keep everyone updated on the whole process, about how much has gone into this whole thing, behind the scenes.

• I have no way to document for you the amount of sleepless nights there have been, but believe me when I say, there have been many.

• The paperchase. I now understand what I never could have before, the amount of time and energy that goes into the documents we "chase" down. Definitely worth it, but alot of busywork nonetheless.

• The amount of time spent in prayer. Before we ever started any of it, and most certainly alot along the way. Maybe even most now, as we think of Jenna and her precious little heart, waiting for us, without even knowing it. And for how hard a transition it will be for her.

We're coming, baby, as fast as we can.

Sunday Snapshot: Emily's 18 month pics

2010-01-31T16:38:00.003-06:00

I'm over a month late with this post, as Emily turned 18 months old the day after Christmas, but considering all that we've had goin' on over here, I think within a month is pretty good ;)

Emily is now 19 months old, and is the life of the party. Recently at some friends of ours, she climbed onto their island, started shaking her hips back-and-forth, saying "boom boom boom". Ya know, the Black Eyed Peas? I laughed so hard I cried, and that sorta thing is normal, daily behavior from her. We've been speculating about whether Jenna is going to be a calming influence on Emily, or if Emily is going to corrupt Jenna?! I really don't see how we could have 2 of these in one family, but I sure don't want to test that!

PA, baby!

2010-01-28T14:47:00.005-06:00

We got PA for our girl today!! One step closer!

I know that many of you have no idea what I'm talking about, what it means, or why I'm excited about it, so as promised, here's the timeline/order of events that need to happen for us to bring little Jenna home.

PA - pre-approval CHECK! Now our agency sends off our complete dossier, and we also get to send Jenna a package!

LOA - letter of acceptance this is after CCAA (Chinese Center of Adoption Affairs) reviews our entire dossier. This is the letter sent after your referral acceptance. China uses this to ask you one more time to confirm that you want to adopt your referred child. Time from PA to LOA can range from 2 weeks to 3 months-ish.

TA- travel approval Official notice from China that you are invited to come pick up your child. Usually TA follows soon after LOA and then within about 4 weeks we will travel!

Consulate Appointment A scheduled appointment with the US Consulate's Office in Guangzhou, China. The date of this appointment typically determines your travel date since this is the last step you take while in China.

With that, we'd like to invite you to visit our blog for Jenna's 100 Good Wishes quilt and participate in that for us to help pass the time while we wait to go get her.

the whole story

2010-01-26T09:46:00.001-06:00

Some of you know, and many may not, that I was adopted as an infant. I was raised in a family with my parents and my brother and have seen first-hand the very real, practical, and tangible ways that adoption impacts lives. I was on the receiving end of two incredible decisions by women who have never met. One, deciding in the most selfless way to forego what she may desire or feel emotionally to make a choice giving me, in this case, the best possible scenario of a chance at life: To have a family, to be loved and cared for, and to have both a mom and a dad. The other woman, deciding to act selflessly as well, and ask for the opportunity to parent a child that she didn’t give birth to. To show that child what love and family are defined by, and prove that it’s far more than DNA.

I believe that those were the seeds planted in me that have given me a heart for adoption. For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to adopt a child someday. It was something I desired enough that I can remember Jason and I talking about it before we were married…. Adopting an orphan someday. Jason had no objections and thought it made perfect sense given my own adoption that it would be something I would want to do one day.

At the time I didn’t necessarily regard what God might have planned for my life, I just knew that it was something I wanted to do.

Fast forward several years to when we have 3 biological kids. 2 boys and then a little girl. Jason was quite certain that we were “done,” and scheduled his procedure. I didn’t have any objections. I can’t say I was excited about it, but if I had asked him then not to do it, I know he wouldn’t have. But I didn’t, and so he did.

I went to pick Jason up afterwards and drive him home and as soon as he walked out, my heart just sank. I thought to myself, “what did we just do?” I didn’t tell Jason that until much later, and just decided to spin it for positive and figured now we’d start pursuing adoption.

Well, that was about 5 years ago, and in that time we have been all across the board regarding the whole topic. We collected material from different agencies for nearly a year and then put our name in the mix to receive a little girl named Song in China, who had a cleft lip and palate. We had to make a case about why we should be chosen as her family and how we thought we could care for her. Two weeks later we got news that we weren’t chosen. It was more difficult than I had imagined, given I had never even seen a picture of her, and I didn’t understand why it would have gone that way. We continued seeking God though and went back to the drawing board and began to pursue adoption in Guatemala. We found an agency that we felt really good about the work they were doing and just before we would have needed to have a homestudy done as the next step to move forward, the entire country of Guatemala shut down its international adoption program.

At that point, I felt as though I was part of a practical joke. Seriously, I’m being punked. I believe that God’s heart is for orphans, as stated in James 1:27, “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”

I couldn’t understand why God wouldn’t want us to pursue this, but felt that this was a giant slammed-shut door in the pursuit of our adopting. We stepped back and prayed. In a more diligent way than I had ever prayed before. One day following, Jason came to me and said, “I think we’re supposed to have another biological child.” I think my response was, “HA! That’d be great if it were possible.” He shared with me that he had been in prayer and felt complete and total clarity. He asked what I thought about him getting a reversal. We had never even discussed it prior and I couldn’t believe he was saying this. We did some research and found a medical doctor in Indiana who performs reversals at a reduced cost as a ministry to bless others. We contacted him and a short month later Jason had the procedure. Beforehand, the doctor sat us down and explained that, while he was going to do what he could for us medically, he really believed that he was just opening the door for God to act; that a baby is a blessing that only God can give. I was nervous hearing him explain to us all the medical reasons why this procedure could still not work. He certainly confirmed that this was only going to happen for us if it were God’s will.

The doctor had also mentioned that if, after six months, we still weren’t pregnant, to go in and have things checked out. I was certain this wouldn’t pertain to us, given how easily we had conceived every other time. However, six months came and went and we figured we better go get things checked out. The doctor told Jason that things were not ok and that there was little to no chance of our having success getting pregnant again. With that, I began questioning so many things. It left us reeling, really. We thought it had been so clear to Jason that this was the path that God was leading us down, and now THIS??? What on earth?

The next month we found out I was pregnant, and that following June, little Emily joined our family. And for those who’ve met her, she adds a lot! I like to think that God has big plans for her after all that happened for her to get here!

Anyways, on with the story. Our close friends, Bill and Sara, were planning to adopt a little girl from China and got their referral in July 2008, when our Emily was just one month old. When Sara called to share the news, she told me that her daughter was on the website of the foster home she was at, and for us to go online so we could see her. We shared their joy and continued to look at that site. I also saw the face of a little girl who seemed to jump off the screen at me. To this day, I still think it sounds silly and irrational to describe, but it’s true. I showed her to Jason, the kids, and began praying for this little girl, known as Madeline. After months of this, we began sponsoring this little girl. As her sponsors, each month we would receive updates about her development and pictures of her. We started putting together a package each month or so to send to her of toys, clothes, notes, pictures the kids drew, etc, and the foster home would send us pictures in return of her opening the gifts we sent.

That part was very cool for our kids to see how this was impacting a little girl on the other side of the world. And it didn’t take any of us long to fall in love. Having knowledge about international adoption, though, we knew that until Emily was six months old, we couldn’t pursue anything.

We prayed and prayed again and both felt united in doing everything we possibly could on our end to move on this child’s behalf to try to adopt her. We felt that she had been put before us for a reason, that God had lead us toward her and she seemed the perfect addition to our family. The CCAA (Chinese Center for Adoption Affairs) does not promote or support the pre-identification of a child. When I began contacting agencies, several told me that they wouldn’t allow this. When I found Lifeline, a Christian agency, Karla was very frank with me and said that its definitely not encouraged, or commonplace, but that it does, in fact, happen from time to time. I told her we understood and wanted to move forward. We felt that God is in the business of miracles and that locating her file was no hard task for Him. We stepped out in faith and believed wholeheartedly that God had led us to her and that if it were His will for us to join our family, he could and would work out the details.

Lifeline did everything they could to work on our behalf to track down this child’s file. While we were in it, and as we compiled our dossier, it seemed as though God’s hand was guiding this right along. Even them finding where her file was in the process, amidst thousands of others, seemed a miracle and made me cautiously optimistic. I can’t tell you how certain I was that she belonged in our family. I loved her and prayed for her, as did Jason and the kids.

We expected that we’d hear something over the summer (2009), which was perfect timing as we had finished up our dossier. In August I got the call from Karla telling me that Madeline’s file had been given to another agency and that she now had a family. I kept composed on the call, though barely, and was completely heartbroken. I wasn’t completely naïve, I knew this was a possibility all along, but nothing could have prepared me for how attached I had gotten to a child half a world away that I had never even met. I knew that it was His will, I was just so sad that it wasn't our family He had chosen for her. We loved her so much. I so appreciate the capacity God has given us to love, and marvel at the fact that He loves us more than we can fathom.

We went to a concert just after that happened; Jeremy Camp at the Iowa State Fair and one of his songs, “Walk by Faith,” was sung and I stood there, singing along, with tears rolling down my face as he sang, “I will walk by faith, even when I cannot see; because this broken road, prepares your will for me.” How timely.

We decided to take a step back following that and give ourselves some time to really, really heal. And also to completely reevaluate. In that time, we’ve been reminded of the heart of God for the orphans of the world, and were convicted that the only reasons we had not to move forward were selfish ones, and fear. We believe that God’s plan for our life is always better than what we think might be best for us. “Many are the plans in a man’s heart but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” Proverbs 19:21

What’s happened since then is that we notified Lifeline after the first of the year to go ahead and put us back into the mix for a match of a special needs child. We filled out our form, asking for a child with either cleft lip/palate, a minor heart defect, or club feet.

We got a call Tuesday, January 19^th that they had a match for us, though the need the child had was something we’d never heard of: A kidney cyst. I got the call while I was at a doctor’s appointment, and my doctor had a connection to a pediatric urologist at the U. When I got home, Jason had another contact of another urologist from church that we contacted, and yet another nurse practitioner friend spoke with colleagues of hers. We put in calls and emailed the medicals to all these people plus our pediatrician and got back news from each of them by the end of the night, which was amazing in itself. What’s more remarkable are the people that God put in our path that day as we had only about 24 hours to make a decision. We got good reports and while you never know everything 100% with these children’s needs, we felt pretty comfortable with what we were hearing.

We decided to sleep on it and when I woke at 3 a.m., I wisely used the time to pray. I prayed for peace, clarity, unity for Jason and I, and that we would feel it pressed on us heavy, which way to go with it.

About one-thirty on January 20^th, 2010 we placed a call to Lifeline and tell them that we’d like to ACCEPT THE REFERRAL.

You understand, right? We added a little girl to our family! Her Chinese name is Lu Ming Qi (pronounced mingh-chee). In China, the last name is listed first, so she’s called Ming Qi. And we’ll keep that as her middle name. So, Jenna Ming Qi. She will be two years old on June 1^st..

I have condensed this to make it readable, but there are just a couple more things I’d like to share. During the fall I was involved in a women’s bible study at our church. There have been SO, SO many verses and things over these past 5 years that have struck me at the time, but a couple more recent things stick.

In my recent study of Esther, Beth Moore said, “we’ll never fulfill our God-ordained destiny if we’re straddling the fence; we can’t be motivated by fear.” She followed with the verse Isaiah 40:31, “but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength….”

She also stated, “He’s proud of us for fighting overwhelming human emotions to do His will. God isn’t interested in our stellar performance but in our hearts. He loves our willingness and obedience despite our insecurities.” Of course we have been scared to do this. And of course it’s overwhelming. But the fact is that we feel that God has given us a heart for adoption and we know that we will have peace that only He can give. We’d also appreciate your prayers immediately for Ming Qi. She is described as shy, timid and introverted and so the transition could be especially difficult for her. Please begin praying for her transition and for her heart to open to us and for her to accept the love we are anxious to give her. Especially right away in China, when she is removed from all she’s ever known.

“…I sing for joy at the works of your hands….” Psalm 92:4

I've been waiting

2010-01-25T16:01:00.006-06:00

I've been waiting to share this post. Actually, I've been dreaming about this very post for months and months. I thought that it would be to announce the addition of a certain little orphan girl that we had been sponsoring at New Day Foster Home in China, whom we went on to paperchase for, and try to adopt. But that all ended sadly in August when we learned that her file went to another agency. I tried rejoicing in the fact that she was no longer an orphan, and that she had a family, but the fact is that I was heartbroken that it wasn't our family that God had chosen for her.

I've "met" blog friends and read others' stories on this journey who have been through this and who have told the story as in the book, "The Strength of Mercy," about God leading you to a particular child, through the loss of another's file. And it seems as though we are there!

Last week, for the first time, we saw the face of our daughter. We accepted her referral just shy of a week ago, on January 20th. She is adorable and has made our entire family weak in the knees in such a short time. We are not allowed to share pictures of our baby girl just yet--we must get official approval from China first. This whole post may have come as a bit of a shock to you, as many may not even know that adoption is something that has been on our hearts for about the past five years.

But please rejoice with us in the addition of Jenna Ming Qi to our family. She will turn 2 years old on June 1st, and hopefully we'll be traveling to China to pick her up shortly thereafter. (probably July). She's just 3 weeks older than Emily, so life around here is about to get just a little bit crazier! I can't wait!

Lots more to come!!

"I sing for joy at the works of your hands..." Psalm 92:4

christmas pics, finally :)

2010-01-17T18:08:00.003-06:00

sunday snapshot: it's beginning to look alot like Christmas

2009-12-20T17:46:00.003-06:00

today is a little random for the post. I hadn't taken any pictures to post. Honestly, hadn't planned on participating this week. I've been doing a lot of baking lately. Just haven't been taking lots of pictures of it! ;)

so this afternoon my husband volunteered to go to the grocery for me. (a true sign of affection to me, as it's my most dreadful chore.) Plus, I was making white chocolate raspberry cheesecake, so I was a little tied up.... mmm..

Then he showed back up from the store with tons of groceries, and, red tulips. Christmas red tulips. Huh, guess I could take some pictures of these, they're gorgeous! And we sure don't see many tulips in December. At least in the midwest, where we're in freezing temps and snow-covered everything about now.

Then I realized how Christmasy they look. Red and all. :) They go with the rest of the decor around the house.... so there's a few shots of that too! Merry Christmas!

Sunday Snapshot: the Mischievous one

2009-12-13T18:27:00.003-06:00

We had 2 consecutive snow days this week, due to a snow storm that was well-forecasted, so I was able to prepare and plan ahead a bit. I stocked up on goodies to do some fun holiday baking, including making treats to take to several neighbors with our Merry Christmas wishes....

Well, it was a long 2 days, and the kids had helped intermittently, but I was left alone with Emily in the kitchen by now.... the least helpful one of all to finish things up. Go figure! I had gotten out all the fixin's to decorate and package the goodies before I sent them on their way, and sure enough, Emily helped herself to the ribbon. Of course, I let her, because it then worked to keep her entertained as I packaged, etc...

Just settin' the stage for ya!!

first snow day

2009-12-09T15:23:00.002-06:00

We are in a blizzard and school got cancelled today! It's awesome!

After Jason spent about 2 hours snowblowing/shoveling the drive, we decided to take emily out for her first experience with snow.

I knew she wouldn't be ok with watching the big kids from the window, so I got her snowpants (big enough to wear again next year) and boots and bundled her with the rest of them. And out we went.

It was blowing quite a bit, so that was less than perfect, but she almost immediately got annoyed with her mittens. So she took one off, grabbed a handful of snow (brrrr) and then dropped it and said "done." It was so funny! She wanted to come inside after that. She lasted all of 5 minutes outside!

Sunday Snapshot: Matthew

2009-12-06T19:23:00.007-06:00

Matthew is our second-born. A middle child. He's the little brother of Ben. And the big brother of two little girls. He was THE. easiest. baby. Super mellow then, and now.

He loves sports.

And music. He's got great rhythm. Rocks at Guitar Hero and the like. Though he doesn't just play; he plays AND dances while he's doin' it. :)

He often seems to be in his own little world. Marches to the beat of his own drum.....that's for sure.

He's tenderhearted. Caring. Joyful.

Sometimes stubborn.

Funny.

He adores his big brother. Luckily, feeling's mutual. They're tight.

Our Peach. (or as Emily has re-nicknamed him, Matt-man)

Benjamin James

2009-12-02T10:23:00.004-06:00

10 years ago today, I became a parent.

My world was absolutely rocked.

I was naive, clueless and oblivious.

at 7:36 p.m., a 21 inch, 7 pound, 11 ounce baby changed my life forever.

and I am so glad.

Ben has become a sports-crazy, video-game playing kid that I love being a mom to.

He is very kind. Pretty quiet. Loves to read. Loves his siblings. Great big brother.

Joy to be around.

We have both grown so, so much in these 10 years. I can hardly imagine the next ten.

Happy 10th Birthday Ben.

We love you.

Sunday snapshot: Abby

2009-11-29T16:27:00.014-06:00

Abby is 5 years old, going on 13. She's silly, funny, and starting to be a little sassy.

She is a good mix of girl, and tomboy. I only say girl because she is very emotional and dramatic. Other than that, she's not that girly.

She is constantly saying she has no one to play with. (even though she has 3 siblings.) It confirms to me that filling that gap between her and Emily (through adoption) would be a really good idea!!

She LOVES school, and loves to read; Junie B Jones is her favorite, and she reads it with all the attitude written for Junie B, which I think is very funny.

She also likes puppies, and she is starting to enjoy American Girls.

She says she loves to play soccer but is quite possibly the least aggressive soccer player that my husband and I have ever seen. It's painful for us to watch. She's totally, "if the ball comes TO me, I'll kick it, but otherwise, you go ahead..." :)

She's generally a very sweet little girl. She is kind hearted and a very good friend to others.

baby glasses

2009-11-26T18:55:00.002-06:00

My baby had to get glasses a couple of weeks ago.

Coincidentally, they're broken right now and in the shop getting fixed. Not good, since she was JUST getting used to wearing them and now we'll have to go back through that learning curve.

anyways, she looks pretty cute in them. hopefully she'll come around and get better about wearing them so her eyes can be corrected and she'll outgrow needing them.....

halloween 2009

2009-11-02T14:06:00.007-06:00

So, we had a Halloween Party this year. Costumes for all, adults included. It was a ton of fun and an absolute riot to see how people costumed themselves. We hope to make this an annual thing, so now we have a year to be thinking about what to do next! Check this out!

recent emily-isms

2009-10-14T19:37:00.006-05:00

As I said in my previous post, she's quite a go-getter....She's now almost 16 months. She is very spunky, and has lots of words lately. Dog-dog, mom, dad, bubby (brothers), baby, ben-ben, mattman, ab, up, uh-oh, poop (which the boys think is hilarious), stinky, snack, down, home.... that's all I can think of but there are probably more, and seemingly more every few days.
Here are a few recent shots!

first time with piggytails!